


you're not a fairytale (and dreams were meant for sleeping)

by minis0de



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kang Taehyun-Centric, Kissing, M/M, Meet-Cute, Minor Choi Yeonjun/Huening Kai, Soft Choi Soobin, cheesy boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 33,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29842203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minis0de/pseuds/minis0de
Summary: "I'm sorry I can't be what you want."Soobin frowned at that. "What do you think I want?""Someone romantic, someone who knows what they're doing. I have no idea what I'm doing for the first time in my life.""I don't want a fairytale Taehyun.""Then what do you want?""I want you."or: Soobin and Taehyun have two very different notions of what love is like. Together they learn how to separate each other from those presets and coexist in each other's lives.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 18
Kudos: 74





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rosesggu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesggu/gifts).



> hi!! well.. i'm back again. who's surprised?
> 
> this started out as a drabble on some strange thoughts i had over this physics lecture i had and quickly turned into a 33k word fic about falling in love, you know how things go. i've meaning to write taebin for a while and this seemed like the perfect excuse.
> 
> as usual i am sorry for any grammar mistakes or writing inconsistencies you might find: i'm not a professional and english is not my first language. 
> 
> this one goes out to my best friend rya for always reading my works, support them and bring a smile to my face with the way they get attached to my characters. 
> 
> disclaimer: this is a work of pure fiction and none of the events related in this are remotely close to reality, it's purely for the sake of entertainment. 
> 
> with all of that out of the way, i just want to add that the title is directly taken from a high school musical song... because i have no shame whatsover. alas! enjoy <3

In particle physics, every type of particle is associated with an antiparticle with the same mass but with opposite physical charges. Particle–antiparticle pairs can annihilate each other. It is not possible to create an antiparticle without either destroying another particle of the same charge. The studies develop beyond but Taehyun has always gone back to the same principle: there's someone out there, in some way, in some universe, that is the mirror of you and you both can't coexist without destroying each other. 

Beomgyu called him a pessimist when he tried to showcase his philosophical inquiry on romance and then a nerd for actually listening to his physics lectures. Kai tuned off immediately as soon as he heard _physics_ and Taehyun was left alone to rationalize his thoughts about what he learned. 

_Opposites attract_ isn't that what they always said? But what happens when you're not really opposites, when you actually look into the mirror and see a distorted version of yourself in someone else?

It was terrifying for Taehyun. He's always been a rational intellectual person, never letting his thoughts divert from what the logical way of dealing with situations was. But one thing in the world scared him the most and that was _love_. 

The definition of love that Taehyun stored in his brain - an intense feeling of deep affection - was the most terrifying sentence he has ever heard and this is someone who scared some ghosts in a hunting house once. The notion of something being both intense and deep… He simply couldn't fathom. 

"Some things were meant not to be understood." Beomgyu said but he joked often about how Taehyun was colder than Elsa ( _"She's not cold! It's just her powers_ " Kai also took personal offense with that judgment). 

But how could things not be understood? The purpose of humans was to unlock the keys to the questions and keep urging about all the matters that didn't have immediate answers. 

_What is love?_

_How to love?_

_How can I love better?_

They say opposites attract. But for every particle, there's an antiparticle and that's how Taehyun felt when he met Choi Soobin for the first time. 

☆☆☆

Taehyun looked at his schedule for the semester as he perched it on the wall of his dorm. It looked terrible, classes scattered and with big durations, something he wasn't used from his previous high school experience. Evidently, university was bound to be different, he wasn't naive enough not to imagine that but he didn't expect such a large load of work right in his first semester. 

He already had his first official class: mechanics. Some alumni from his major have advised him to get ready for that teacher and the class but he wasn't worried. He knew where his intelligence and hard work stood and he was confident in his ability. Beomgyu bantered often that he was cocky but he was conscious enough to apprehend where he stood. 

The class after, on Monday, would be philosophy of science, something he was quite excited to try. He had chosen that class for a lighter credit and it joined together two things he was fascinated about. Physics was his first option by far, the discovery of the world around him being a priority in the force that drives his life but he can't enjoy the uncovering of the world without questioning it, and philosophy entered there perfectly. 

A sudden visit to his dorm shook him off his train of thought, as two loud boys also known as Kai and Beomgyu entered the room laughing. He caught something about _tennis balls_ and _an_ _empty classroom_ but couldn't get a grip on what they were discussing. 

"Tyun, we've been looking for you everywhere!" Kai exclaimed, throwing his bag onto his (yet to be made) bed. 

"I was organizing the dorm, contrary to some people." A discerning look was thrown at the younger who didn't seem to catch it. 

"Eh, I'll make it later or you'll make it for me! Will you?" Kai knew what game to play, grasped that in their lifelong friendship, there hasn't been a moment where he resisted those puppy eyes of him. 

"Get off," Taehyun said, already in direction of Kai's small dorm bed and unfolding the sheets. 

As he proceeded to do the chores his friend was so lazy to do himself, he reflected on all the years he has known the other boy and how wonderful the universe has allowed them to stay together ever since birth. 

"Are you even listening?" Beomgyu asked, his voice sounding so far away after interrupting Taehyun's thoughts. 

"Of course he didn't, he was lost in time again." 

"Our Taehyun, so smart and such an air-head." Beomgyu continued, smirking. "As I was saying, start unpacking your party clothes, we are going to a welcoming party today." 

"No, we are not." Taehyun promptly claimed, not abiding for the boy to continue with his ideas.

"Why not? You're a college student Taehyun, this is part of your initiation." Beomgyu began, standing on top of his bed - _with shoes_ , he whined internally - and throwing one of his dramatic speeches. "Maybe you'll like it, become like a wild animal, and reveal the hidden part of you I always knew you had." 

Taehyun rolled his eyes, finishing Kai's bed and moving to his side of the room, kicking Beomgyu and cleaning his bed again. "I'll go just to make sure you don't pass out or something." 

"I've been to parties before and haven't passed out before getting back to the dorm." 

Kai grinned and Taehyun couldn't help but keep a smile on his face. Maybe he would end up finding something new in this experience. 

  
  
  
  


So far, Taehyun thought to himself, the only thing he had found was that his best friend was more of a lightweight than they thought he would be.

"Two drinks Hyuka… Two. This is ridiculous." Beomgyu stated as he dragged a laughing mess named Kai outside of the bar. 

"Maybe I should've supervised him instead of you." Taehyun continued, trying to use all his force on tugging his friend. 

Before they could sit him on the ground and let the air refresh their younger friend’s mind, a voice interrupted them from their moment. "Yo, BG!" A pink hair boy wearing some flare pants and a néon crop top approached, waving at them.

Taehyun traded a look with Beomgyu, the boy smiling apologetically before waving back. "Yo, YJ!" He proceeded. " _A friend_." He whispered the last part. 

"Didn't know you would be coming tonight, is that how you treat your drinking buddy?" 

"I'm showing my friends the ways around today, they're freshmen. The one almost falling to the ground is Kai and that's Taehyun." Introductions were quick, the pink-haired boy smiling politely at them and introducing himself as _Yeonjun._ Taehyun had heard of this before, stories that Beomgyu told every year about the crazy adventures with his friend but he admitted, until this point, he thought the other boy wasn't real. But here he stood, hair styled behind, daring outfit and Taehyun understood why Beomgyu claimed to have a crush on this boy in his first year before he realized men were _crap._ His words. 

"Wow, is this Yeonjun? You're…" Kai said, a hiccup disrupting his train of thought. "You're the most beautiful thing I have ever seen all night, even prettier than my plushie. You know guys, the pink and black one…"

The other two boys instantly jumped to stop him from embarrassing himself even more. "Okay let's stop talking now." 

However, Yeonjun didn't seem bothered, in fact, he seemed to shine under the street lights even more with the compliments. "Thank you, you're not so bad yourself cutie."

"Cutie." Kai giggled, burying his face in Beomgyu's neck. 

"He's a lightweight," Taehyun muttered to the pink hair boy, who smiled and dismissed it shortly. 

"My friend Soobin is a lightweight too, I'm used to this." Yeonjun crouched down, standing in front of Kai who was now sat on the ground, back supported by the wall of the bar. "When you're sober we should talk, you're adorable." 

Yeonjun waved all of them goodbye after pestering Beomgyu that they should all go out for actually good bars one day and leaving in the same way he entered their moment: with a statement, all of them fixating on his back as he left. 

"He's hot isn't he?" Beomgyu started. 

"I thought you were kidding but he is." Taehyun continued. 

"A piece of meat." Kai finished, his words slurred with sleep as he tried to stand up. 

Both boys couldn't help but laugh at their friend. "Let's get you to bed, mister player."

☆☆☆

_Bling! Bling! Bling! Bling!_

Taehyun hit snooze for the 10th time that morning, snuffling in his bedsheets. He couldn't turn more than a few rolls before he noticed a body shoved by the wall. 

That was enough to wake him up, as he rose and couldn't contain the way his feet worked on their own. 

"Why did you kick me, idiot?" Beomgyu's voice ringed his ears, cuddling the pillow he, in all likelihood, stole from him. 

"Why are you in my bed?" Taehyun yelled.

"Stop yelling jerks." Kai yelped from his bed, throwing one of his (many) plushies onto their direction. 

Beomgyu shuffled in the bed before sitting up, hair sticking everywhere and definitely a line of drool in his pillow. "My roommate is a jerk and we've been sleeping together for years Taehyun, I just took the opportunity presented to me."

A glance around the room and he noticed the sun peeking through the blinds. A quick look at his phone showed him it was currently 7:50.

_7:50?_

He kicked the blankets off him, almost throwing Beomgyu off balance as he opened the blinds and took his pants off, looking for his jeans in his closet. 

"Wow, getting undressed in front of me, pay me dinner first Tyun." Beomgyu mocked but the boy wasn't paying attention. He was so late for class and he still had to walk a solid 15 minutes to the building for his 8 AM class. 

"I'm so late!" Taehyun yelled, putting his shirt off and shoving a bunch of books inside of the backpack and a small look at the mirror revealing his messy hair that didn't go down no matter how much he patted. 

"Welcome to University life, my dear." Beomgyu finished, getting up, in the direction of Kai's bed and laying next to the boy, cuddling him. 

As he left his dorm, noticing the flow of students in the morning, he started to run to the literature building where the philosophy of science class was starting at any moment.

_Late on his first day of class_ , he thought. Somehow he started planning how to blame this on Beomgyu, just like he did with all his problems before knocking on the classroom door. 

"Sorry, I'm late." He apologized to the teacher, a kind woman that smiled at him, muttering _we were just starting_ and pointing at the only available seat next to a tall dark-haired guy with glasses who smiled at him, a dimple popping off. 

_Oh wow_. Taehyun believed he had never seen a dimple that deep. 

Calming his breath turned out to be the hardest task after making a 15-minute walk into a 5-minute run. Great way to present himself right in his first-class, with a bunch of students that didn't look from his major and definitely not from his year. 

He saw a water bottle being shifted to his side, lifting his head to notice the stranger with the deep dimple smiling at him, mouthing _drink it._

There was no time for him to question it, too thirsty to think twice before gulping down a chunk of the drink and feeling his breathing regulate a little bit. 

Paying attention to class turned out to be a little more difficult as he was still recovering from his sprint but, for what he assumed, it was only an introductory class about the program and the questions they would be touching throughout the semester. 

He took a small piece of paper from his notebook, dribbling a small _thank you for the water bottle ^‿^_ note and pushing it to his desk partner, who took the note astonished but smiled widely at it. 

When class ended Taehyun took some time to organize his books after the rush he had left in the morning but the boy next to him didn't seem to be thinking the same thing, rushing off the classroom before he got a chance to introduce himself or ask for his name.

_There's always next time,_ Taehyun thought but as he got up he saw the same note he wrote on the desk by his side. 

_you're welcome. see you next class :D_

  
  
  
  


"This is disgusting." Beomgyu dragged his plate into Kai's direction who didn't seem appalled by it and took the slide of pizza the other had left and begun eating it. 

"It's not that bad." Taehyun took a bite of his own food before scrunching his nose. "I take it back, aren't there any places to eat on campus?" 

"With what money? It's cheaper here." Kai spoke, his whole mouth packed with food. It would be an unattractive sight if they haven't known each other since they walked on diapers. 

The moment he decided to stuff more food inside his mouth, a tray was dropped by their side at the cafeteria, a pink hair blob invading their space. 

"Cute." He said, looking at Kai and cleaning his mouth corners with a napkin, unprovoked. "Hey BG did you hear what Chaeyeon did yesterday?" 

"The cheating thing?" Beomgyu asked, now curious about the gossip around the school. Taehyun found intriguing the way his friend seemed to be so popular and immersed in University life. He expected, when he moved here, to leave him and Kai behind and forget about them. Perhaps a selfish thought on his side, a misreading on his friend because, after all this time, Beomgyu didn't stop being friends with them, insisting on facetiming on his first year (while they finished their last high school year) and coming back every break he had to visit. 

"Yeah, he caught her with another dude in his own dorm! I swear to God heterosexuals are a disease." Yeonjun laughed, shoving his pizza slice on his mouth. Kai immediately choked on his food. "What?" 

"Nothing… Just a _funny_ comment."

"Don't tell me that after the way you looked at my ass on Friday you're straight?" 

Kai gagged again on his food and Taehyun had to hold his own meal before laughing, enjoying seeing the way Kai got to flushed around this bold and obnoxious guy. 

"Honestly he's a pig, so he deserves it." Beomgyu finished. He quickly explained to his friends, reminded them of another story he had told them beforehand about this particular gossip. 

"So, Beomgyu talks a lot about both of you. It's great to finally meet you all and under _sober_ circumstances." Yeonjun smirked in Kai's direction who seemed to have perceived a ghost. 

"Kai is majoring in architecture and Taehyun is our little genius." Beomgyu introduced them.

"Majoring in physics doesn't automatically make me a genius." 

"It makes you insane." Yeonjun smiled. "And I would know, I'm in astronomy." 

"You?" Kai spoke, maybe a little bit harsh. Yeonjun didn't look offended, clearly amused by the shock, a face of someone who was used to listening to this particular comment. 

"Surprised baby?" He winked before turning to Taehyun again. "You share classes with astronomy in the first year, I have some notes from class if you need them."

"Please, that would be very nice of you." He beamed, thankful for the other boy's kindness.

Yeonjun looked delighted. "My friend Soobin is taking a science type of class this semester, going to enjoy seeing him freak out." 

"How's he?" Beomgyu wondered. 

"He's fine, less lost these days and he got a job at the library and everything. Wish I had my life put together like that."

"Maybe if you stop drinking and flirting." Beomgyu teased but the other smirked at him, finishing his food and lifting his tray, ready to leave.

"That would be like losing my identity." He winked at them, before turning to Kai. "Let's meet up some other time, okay? I don't bite… unless you're into that." 

☆☆☆

This time around Taehyun prepared himself. Learn with your mistakes it's what they always say so that's exactly what he did. 

The first mechanism was to make sure when Beomgyu crashed his dorm room (which has been happening frequently as the other claimed _my roommate is stupid_ ), he would redirect him immediately to Kai's bed. The younger liked to sleep snuggled to his plushies most of the time so how much difference would it be to cuddle to a 180cm teddy bear? None of them appeared angry at that fact, and despite the mattress being inadequate for giant young adults, they managed to fit just perfectly. 

He set his alarm for early, to prevent any excessive snoozing. He made sure to have Kai record a personal wake-up alarm that consisted of 10 seconds of him yelling with his signature dolphin tone. 

Preparing his clothes beforehand for the day was also a key point for a smooth morning routine. He folded some nice pants, a green sweater vest, and a T-shirt, ready to get ready in the morning quickly and avoid getting late to any class. 

"You're aware you don't need to control every detail of your life right?" Kai mocked him but what could he do, being a control freak was a habit at this point. 

And one that worked, as he woke up in the morning and had time to get dressed, comb his hair, and even make bitter coffee in the coffee machine Beomgyu brought from his dorm. They each had a mug (somehow there was a Beomgyu one) and Taehyun's sported a " _My main area of expertise is string theory_ " quote with a cat design knitting - a lovely gift from Beomgyu. 

"Why are you leaving so early? And why is that alarm so effective?" Beomgyu asked in his slumber, Kai fast asleep on his other side. 

"Make sure I don't get late."

"Nerd."

"Have a good day!" He sang as he waved Beomgyu goodbye and left, the early morning airs inspiring him. A 15-minute walk later and he arrived at the class, granted before class started but it gave him enough time to sit down and scribble some plans for the day in his agenda. 

He heard some students gather around but paid no attention to them until a shadow hovered by his desk and pushed the chair next to him. Dimple guy was back again, wearing a denim jacket that covered his (huge) frame.

He couldn't help the wonder of realizing how tall his seatmate was, not paying enough attention last time. "Can I sit here?" 

_Wow._ "Yeah, of course!" 

"I assume because we sat together last class it would be okay." The guy continued, placing his backpack on the table, with a bunny pendant on the zipper. Taehyun has always been prone to detail and so it amazed him the small feature. 

"Of course." He tried to muster the closer he could to a smile. "I'm Taehyun, first-year physics." Introducing himself sounded like the smart idea so he could stop quoting the other boy in his head as _dimple_ boy.

The guy smiled. _I see where the bunny comes from._ "I knew there were a lot of stem majors in here, but it surprises me every time."

"So I'm assuming not stem. Let me guess?" He asked, the other turning to face him enthusiastically. "Sociology?" He shook his head, mouthing that he had two more chances. "Psychology?" Also wrong. "Well, then here goes the most obvious: Philosophy!"

"It is a class called philosophy of science." The guy added, amused. "Soobin, second year." 

_Soobin, where has he heard that name before?_ "Nice to meet you. Thank you for the water last time, a real lifesaver."

A giggle escaped the other's mouth. "Ah, no worries! You looked like you ran a marathon."

"I basically did, woke up late and had the run here from the dorms." 

"Happens to everyone, so don't worry about that." 

Before they could continue the conversation, before Taehyun could get a better grasp of the boy (It's always been a weakness of him wanting to know everything about everyone that crossed his path) the teacher entered the room and announced that class was going to start by analyzing some texts from ancient philosophers about scientific matters and trying to convey what they questioned in those texts. 

Taehyun was excited to start, two areas that deeply interesting for him before he got a note being slid to his side of the desk:

_this is going to be interesting ^-^_

_Yeah_ , Taehyun thought as he looked to the other boy who smiled from the corner of his lips, _it will._

  
  
  
  


Class ended fairly quickly for his liking, as he closed his notebook with all the scribbles and notes from today's lecture and looked at his schedule one more time: only a class after lunch now, so he had some time to unwind. 

The universe, however, had other plans. 

"You said you're a freshman right?" Soobin asked while people shuffled around and out of the classroom, holding his notebooks in his chest and his backpack perched in his back. He adjusted his glasses as he asked and Taehyun found it quite adorable how they fitted him so well. 

"Yeah, fresh meat." 

Soobib giggled at that. "I'm pretty sure you did the tour but I can show you some things around if you want? And have time…"

"Now?" Soobin nodded affirmatively. "Sure." _What do I have to lose?_

So they walked outside, side by side, as Soobin showed him around some of his favorite spots (the gardens behind the mathematics building, the 3rd floor of the biology building that had amazing desks with lamps to study, the small lounge in the computer science area that was open 24/7 for any necessary all-nighters), they made small talk about why they chose their majors (Taehyun was interested in unraveling the secrets of the universe, Soobin thoroughly agreed) and bonded over how they both ended up in the same class with the same reasons even from being from two different areas of study. 

It was _easy._ Taehyun didn't consider himself a shy person (Soobin, on the other hand, looked like he would burst of embarrassment every time he tried to start a conversation topic), so he prided himself in being able to make connections easily but something about this boy felt different. Something about the boy mirrored perfectly his feelings but felt so contrasting. 

Somehow called him, despite it all. Something about the boy called him to know more, in a way curiosity didn't before. It was fine, he wasn't complaining. He knew university was a great opportunity to branch out from his comfort zone (his friends who were probably either asleep right now or late for their classes) and so he took this one as the first real one offered to him since he moved. 

"I have to ask." He caves in after they decided to take a seat at the benches by the physics building. "How tall are you?"

Soobin laughed but didn't seem to take any offense. "Tall enough, why?"

"My friend Kai is also extremely tall but I'm not used to feeling this small next to people." 

"That's bothering you somehow?" 

"You can say I was just interested in it." Taehyun tried to offer an explanation that didn't read in between the lines of _I think you look like an overgrown puppy and I want to pet you so badly._

"I get asked that question so many times you wouldn't believe it." Soobin giggled and Taehyun muttered a _sorry_. "No, it's okay!"

"Are people in your family also tall?"

"Just me. Genetics are weird, man." 

"Tell me about it," Taehyun added. "That's why I run away from Biology."

"Touché." They laughed as the September breeze touched their faces. Taehyun looked at the clock, it was still early and he had time but he promised Kai they would eat lunch together at the burger place down the street from campus. "I have to go meet my friend now. Thank you for your time."

Soobin got up at the same time he did and smiled, playing with the buttons of his oversized denim jacket (He didn't know tall people could also wear oversize clothes and look _cute_ ). "It was my pleasure. I hope it helped."

"It did yeah… so hm... See you around?" 

"Wait!" Soobin called before he could start walking away. "Do you use social media?"

_Odd question._ "Who doesn't?" Taehyun laughed. 

"Right so… What's your Instagram user?"

Taehyun laughed, replying with his user. The other boy adjusted his glasses before smiling at him, cheeks blushing a little bit like the gesture alone had taken a lot of energy from him to pronounce. _He must be an introvert_ , he analyzed before signaling the other boy goodbye. 

He texted Kai saying he was on the way to the dorm to pick him up when he saw a notification on his phone pop up. 

_soobun followed you!_

The temptation to look at the profile was too big at the moment, so he didn't even try to battle it as he opened the other boy's social media. His icon was a picture of him in a mirror selca and his description had just the bunny emoji followed by 20. 

His feed consisted of selcas of him that Taehyun wasn't expecting. Yeah, he was attractive in real life but he was also photogenic which was unfair, to begin with. In between his flood of selcas, there was an occasional food picture and books, loads of books. _Living up to that philosophy major vibes_.

"What are you doing?" Kai's voice startled him off his thoughts, as he locked his phone quickly and noticed his friend perching behind him. 

"Nothing." 

"Who's profile were you checking?" 

_Damn it._ "Just a guy from my philosophy of science class. He was nice to me."

"If you fall in love with every guy that's nice for you we are going to have a problem Kang Taehyun." Kai started, lacing their arms together before walking to the restaurant they had found on the internet the other time. 

"You know falling in love isn't on my plans… _like ever_." 

"You keep saying that and one day it's going to knock on your door unexpectedly."

And he has heard that one before, time and time again, over and over about how he shouldn't close himself for that sort of commitment. Don't get him wrong, he wasn't opposed to it in any way, but right now, he couldn't see himself launching into something like that. 

Truth is: relationships? They scared him. Being so vulnerable to someone, opening all the wounds to a person, and allowing them to either heal them or hurt you more didn't seem like a dignified plan for his path. 

He wasn't lonely or sad, he could handle without a relationship and he wasn't thinking that about a guy he had a total of 2 and something conversations with. He was a colleague and, perhaps one day, a friend and he wasn't going to let his friends taunt him with it. 

"Like a cute pink-haired guy knocked on yours?" 

Kai grumbled. "Please Tyun, this is a disaster! He's drop-dead gorgeous, I thought Beomgyu was lying."

"Me too. He also has this energy you know?"

"Right!" Kai shouted, earning the attention of a few kids around. "What do I do? I saw him early the day before my morning class and he threw me a flying kiss, Tyun. I just started college, I have to focus on drawings and lines and perspectives, not on cute tall guys who will be the end of me."

"Aren't you being a little overdramatic? Just… fight back?" 

"Like...flirt back?" 

"Yeah. Make him flustered, not the other way around."

"Sweet innocent Tyun…" Kai started. "He's a tall greek god blessing his presence among humans and you want me: lanky, clumsy, and annoying Kai Kamal Huening to woo him?" 

Taehyun rolled his eyes. "What do you have to lose in trying?" 

"My dignity!" 

☆☆☆

"Great to see you again Taehyun, can you tell me where Beomgyu is?" Yeonjun's voice rang through his ears as he sat on a modest corner in the library, reading some textbook he had solicited from the library. 

"Hello?" He tried. "Last time I checked he was fast asleep in my room, _again._ "

Yeonjun didn't ask for permission before he sat on the table (yes, on the surface of the table, not on the chair right next to him) and sighed. "There's a gathering from my major at the cool Math bar down the town, I thought he might want to come around and get wasted. To celebrate our first month." 

It was impressive how time passed by. Only yesterday he was unpacking his bag in his shared dorm with Kai and now he sat in the library, studying for class. The inevitability of time frightened him more than he wanted to admit and the way Yeonjun worded it, so excited… What was there to celebrate about time passing by and moving forward every day to the inevitability of an end?

"Beomgyu said you space out a lot but you've been staring at the wall for a whole minute, are you okay?" 

The words from the pink-haired boy were enough to shake him off. "Just thinking about the unavoidable passage of time."

"Cool. Tell him I'm looking for him okay?"

"Can't you like, text him or something?" Taehyun asked, genuinely wondering why Yeonjun appeared to be stuck in the past when it came to forms of communication.

"And let the government know what I do in my free time? " Taehyun was about to argue back, but the boy had left the table and walked outside, his boots echoing a noise across the library. "See ya! Come with us on Friday too!" 

_He's a force to be reckoned with_ , Kai had described a few days ago when they talked about the other boy and he was starting to give some reason to his friend. 

The studies didn't come easy for him again as the questions in his brain started to float and lots of theories surfaced. He decided to close the textbook, signaling the page on inertia he was reading, and take off a worn-out notebook that had been a gift from Kai a few years ago for him to write his thoughts _since you seem to have a lot of them_. His words. 

He opened a blank page and scribbled a _why time passes?_ in the top, before starting bulletin the reasons he could find. 

  * the perception of time shifts gradually as you age, so is time passing by us instead of with us?
  * time isn't really passing quickly, but when we are young we have so much to experience and discoveries that things seem to go slower than when we fall into monotonous and tedious routines
  * time is a construction, it doesn't even exist 
  * but then again, time does exist, we have watches. what we should be asking is how it works…
  * time passes to remind ourselves that nothing is forever and it can't stay the same



"Seems like a hard subject you have going on in there, your face is twisted with concentration." 

Taehyun looked up again, the second interruption today only to find Soobin smiling at him, wearing a grey polo that had looked tacky on just everyone else but somehow it fitted him. 

"Just going down an existential crisis over time…" He confessed, grinning back at the boy who was carrying some books in his arms. 

The class they shared had helped them grow _closer_. He didn't expect them to be best friends but surely, a lot of talks have arisen from seating next to each other, a lot of notes they passed on during said class - some of them Taehyun had kept for himself - and not so awkward encounters on campus anymore. 

"Oh so like how our perception of time changes as we age? I read it's because we get to fall into monotonous routines and every time I think about it I go like: it's time to live more than! And then wake up and follow the same routine." 

Taehyun laughed. "It's pretty much that yeah. I get these sprouts of thoughts in the most random hours of the day."

"Maybe you are in the wrong major. It's not too late to change to philosophy now." 

"Time is a physics matter though, so I am not that far away," Taehyun argued back, enjoying the banter the two have created ever since they started talking a little bit more comfortable with each other (still some awkwardness lingering nonetheless). "Here to study?"

"More like to work." Soobin pointed out his badge that he hadn't noticed before. 

"Didn't know you worked here."

"Now you do! But don't be like my friend and miss the deadlines for the books and then ask me to cheat his way out of not paying the fees." 

"That sounds like something my friend would do. But don't worry, I'm responsible enough."

"I have to go back to work now, see you in class tomorrow?" Soobin smiled fondly, his eyes crinkling a little bit. _So charming._

"Sure, maybe we can get coffee before?" 

At that suggestion, Soobin lit up as he has never seen before, a sparkle in his eye twinkling. "I would love that. I'll DM you a great coffee place. You're gonna love it!" He finished enthusiastically, waving goodbye as he went back to work. 

  
  
  
  


"Beomgyu… don't you have a dorm room?" He questioned when he arrived, later that day, and his friend was sitting on the ground with a bag of chips by his side as he played - what he assumed by the sounds - Pokémon on his Nintendo switch. "First you bring a toothbrush, then your pillow and now you're eating on our floor."

"Do you want some?" The boy asked. 

Taehyun sat next to him and took a fist full of snacks before shoving it all down his mouth. "Yeonjun was looking for you."

"Oh, what did he want?" 

"Something about a gathering at the math bar on Friday."

"I love that bar! And you're going to love it too, that's it you're all coming with me."

Taehyun rolled his eyes, pointing with his fingers at the item Beomgyu should use in the battle he was playing right now. "I'm going to make sure you don't get into a coma or something."

"First of all, I drink because I enjoy doing it, I'm not some idiot who drinks because he thinks he's cool." He started, using the potion in the game and muttering a _yes_ when his attack was effective. "Second, you should come to have fun! You don't have to dad me all the time."

"I don't dad you." He mocked, trying some snacks. "I just worry about you."

"And I worry you're not getting the full college experience. It includes spending some time at cool bars too, you'll like this one, I promise."

Reluctantly he ended up agreeing but only if Kai tagged along. Beomgyu instantly jumped to add that in no way in hell their other friend wouldn't come too and they continued to play together, in the search for a specific pokémon until Taehyun grew tired and scrolled through his phone. 

_soobun sent you a message!_

He opened the Instagram notification to a page that redirected him to a cool, hipster-looking cafe that location wasn't far away from their university building. 

_soobun: cool place, cool drinks and it has discounts for students!_

_soobun: they also have cool vegan cupcakes in various animal shapes_

_soobun: you look like this squirrel_

_soobun: [post attached]_

_tyun.k: and you look like the bunny right behind._

_tyun.k: is that a cat i see in the picture_

_soobun: they have a mascot!_

_soobun: his name is arnold._

_tyun.k: im sold. what about 7:30?_

_soobun: see you there ;)_

"Who are you talking with?" Beomgyu asked not once to take his eyes off the console. 

"Kai." He lied as he smiled to himself. 

☆☆☆

If you ask Taehyun if he took the extra effort to get ready that morning he would deny but the sleep he couldn't get the whole time gave it all away. 

He kept waking up every second of the night anticipating the morning until he deemed early enough, but too much, to wake up. Picking an outfit was hard enough in his limited selection of clothes and it wasn't like Hyuka's hoodie section of his wardrobe helped. 

He decided to opt for simple skinny jeans and a dress shirt as he worked his way on his hair, styling his forehead out. 

"Putting so much effort into a hairstyle? Who are you and what have you done to Taehyun?" Kai challenged, getting up before shoving Beomgyu. 

"Just wanted to try something new," Taehyun added. "Why is he still here? It's been a month and he practically lives here with us?" Pointing at Beomgyu, both of them smiling at the way he slept so peacefully while cuddling one of Kai's plushies. 

"He always says he hates his roommate but I am convinced he just missed us." Kai fondly finished, combing Beomgyu's messy hair out of his eyes and walking towards his closet to get ready for his morning classes as well. 

"You're going later right?" He made sure to know, still feeling a little bit uneasy about the bar hangout they ended up planning. He regularly felt the most relaxed around his younger friend, both of them sticking together perpetually. 

"Of course Tyun," Kai said, putting on a baby blue sweatshirt. "I'll make you company, I promise."

"You know me too well."

After a short talk with Kai, he eventually left his dorm room and wandered to the cafe location he was meeting up with Soobin. The chilly air of the beginning of October started to be felt, as fall walked into them. 

He loved fall: the brown colors, the leaves falling around, a promise of winter but without the commodities of the other season. It was immeasurable and, for a long time, he started to reflect on the beauty of his favorite season. 

The spot quickly arrived and he opened Instagram to dm Soobin announcing he had arrived. The reply didn't come, instead, a tall figure hovered over him. He looked up, spotting the boy's signature deep dimple, wearing a turtleneck and a beige blazer. 

"Loving this _philosophy_ student's look." Taehyun smiled, not shy with the compliment. The boy glowed under it, smiling and even twirling around. 

"I think it was fitted. Let's go in?" He gestured inside and he followed him quickly, taking his time to look around and analyze the place with the cozy atmosphere, the various coffee mugs each with a different design, the flower pots scattered. 

"This is nice." Taehyun smiled when they sat at the table in the farthest corner, surrounded by some long green plants. 

"Told you. Used to work here when I was in my first year and just continued to come here ever since. Arnold loves me." 

"Are you bragging? I've been called before the cat whisperer." 

Soobin giggled a beautiful sound out of his mouth. Taehyun felt his whole body shiver for some reason. "Let's call him then and decide this once and for all." 

"Competitive. But first, let's order, I haven't had coffee yet and I can't function without it."

So they went ahead and ordered: Taehyun a plain black coffee, just like he wanted. The other gagged at the option, calling him bitter and with a hilarious contrast, asked for a latte with more milk than coffee. 

"That's just milk, it can't even be counted as coffee."

"It's my favorite drink, let me enjoy it." Soobin snapped back but his smile said he wasn't offended about it. "I always wanted to learn how to make latte art but my hands don't coordinate with each other."

"Why is that the most on-brand thing I ever heard you say?" 

"I'm a total stereotype aren't I?" 

"What made you think that, was it the cat-loving trait or the philosophy degree?" 

They both laughed at it, taking each a sip of their drinking and enjoying their morning together before class. Taehyun loved the energy that they managed to create in such a short amount of time, how it was so warm to be around someone and talk about everything they could as the clock ticked before they had to leave for class. 

While he tasted his coffee he took his time to steal bashful glances at Soobin. He never took time to admire people but he did pay attention. There was something about the other boy he couldn't pinpoint: either it was his kind personality or the way he seemed to blossom shyly under Taehyun's guidance. Whatever he was, he was amused by. 

"Maybe we should go before we get late to class?" 

"You're right," Taehyun answered, getting off his trance. "I have an appointment with my desk mate." Soobin laughed, putting his jacket off but getting interrupted by the cat Taehyun remembered was named Arnold, coming to snuggle him. "Someone likes you." 

"Arnold is mine, but since we can't have pets in the dorms… I just take care of the stray cats. And Arnold got attached."

"So you're telling me…" Taehyun teased. "That you willingly adopted this cat and named him Arnold?"

"What's wrong with the name?" Soobin asked, blushing hard and trying to showcase his pout. _Endearing._

Taehyun was having fun messing with the other boy. "He's a tabby cat, maybe Garfield would be better…"

"Oh so you're complaining about my naming skills and your suggestion is _Garfield?"_

Taehyun laughed loudly at the incredulity in the other voice, crouching down to greet the cat and pet him for a little bit. The creature sniffled him for a while before getting closer and more comfortable.

"I think he likes you too," Soobin said.

"I think I should come by more times then." 

"We can come some other time, you have to try the cheesecake. Do you like sweets?" 

  
  
  
  


"And that was it. It was a very fun place, I'll take you there some other time." Taehyun finished retelling his breakfast experience, in the adorable shop with the tabby cat as he applied some light blush into his friend's cheeks. 

"That sounds like a great place! How did you even find it?" Kai inquired, interested. 

He wondered for a while if he should tell his friend about Soobin. It wasn't like he didn't share everything with the other boy, people often commenting on how they shared _too much_ with each other. But this somehow felt like a _secret_ and it was exhilarating. 

So he kept it in a small box inside his brain. "Just strolling around. There! You're ready." 

Kai took a look in the mirror and smiled. "I liked it. Thank you Tyun." 

"Hope it impresses your lover boy."

Kai sighed. "Hope so too." 

Before any of them could elaborate, the door to their dorm opened suddenly, a Beomgyu wearing a sparkling shirt kicking inside. "Let's go boys!" 

"What are you wearing?" Kai asked, putting on his leather jacket with the pins he has been collecting for years now. 

"What do you mean? Don't you like it?" Beomgyu asked, dropping his arms around Taehyun's shoulders and messing his head. 

Both boys, very much used to Beomgyu's antics, laughed, Kai patting Beomgyu's butt and pulling him outside, so they could walk together to the bar the other wanted to show them. 

Arriving was easy, the walk not far enough, and all of them entertained with a game they have been playing since they were kids called the _I see_ where they have to find the most absurd objects and let the others guess what they mean. 

When they entered the bar, it was crowded already but not enough to feel intolerable, so Taehyun rejoiced. They spotted Yeonjun immediately, the pink-haired boy a little hard not to stand apart in a crowd. It wasn't just his colorful hair, but his whole aura was so powerful it could be sensed. 

"Hey, guys!" He waved, winking in Kai's direction who promptly choked on air. Taehyun put a hand on his friend's back to steady him. "Hi, handsome." His last words directly to Kai. 

Taehyun gave him a small push in his back, hoping for some moves from the other. "Not as handsome as you" Kai successfully added and both Beomgyu and Taehyun grinned at the other boy’s taken aback expression.

"Oh wow," Yeonjun said, before changing to his laid-back attitude. "My friend is coming too, that's okay?" 

All of them nodded, walking into the booth Yeonjun had reserved for them that night. They talked for a little while, about how classes were going and all those conversation fillers. 

As the others managed to get the conversation flowing, Taehyun admired once again his surroundings and blacking away like he usually did. The place was invigorating, filled with math equations in the walls and all the drinks in the menu were named after some math reference, like the drink Yeonjun claimed was his favorite, _the pythagorean theorem_. 

He could hear the others discuss some sort of funny situation Beomgyu had found online but his brain was going on miles per hour now, so he excused himself to go to the bar and order another drink, trying to distract himself from his difficult mind. 

A simple beer was all he asked for, not looking for any sort of numb experience, and he decided to stay there at the counter for a bit, smiling at the bartender and thinking about how unfulfilling his routine had become. He was trying to not let his mind ruin his night but the inevitability of his thoughts never stopped tormenting him, even when he so desperately wanted it.

"Taehyun?" 

He turned around, not so gracefully, and almost dropped his drink. The sight of Soobin in that crampy (yet kind of cozy) bar wearing a low v-neck sweater and some dress-up pants.

" _Wow_." He managed to say first before trying to formulate his thoughts. "I mean, hi! Didn't expect to see you here."

"Ah yeah I came to meet my friend but he looked kind of busy so I came to order a drink." 

"Drink with me then, maybe?" Soobin's smile was enough to let Taehyun know he made a good suggestion. 

Soobin ordered from the bartender, a little shy but appealing, and turned around to ask Taehyun how he was, since the morning. "This is a nice place, I like coming here." The boy voiced.

"It's cozy I have to admit. I always thought university bares were so… cliché."

Soobin chuckled. "It kind of has become a Friday hobby for me to spend some time here. But never alone… that's scary." 

"A philosophy student spending time in a math bar? I've seen everything."

"I'm a man of many surprises." Soobin winked and Taehyun found himself fascinated by the gesture, how the boy reassembled a bunny when he did so. 

"What other hobbies do you have?" He found himself asking, desiring to dig deeper. 

"Let's see…" Soobin seemed to think about it, looking for a genuine answer. "Maybe baking? I've always been into making sweets. Trying to get into things like cooking… But it's hard when my kitchen in the dorm is so small." He ended up laughing. 

"Baking? That's so… Are you good?" 

"I would say I do alright yes," Soobin answered shyly. He could see how he looked more comfortable next to him and opening up slowly. "Like last time I tried to make red velvet cupcakes, but when I tried to decorate the top it looked atrocious. I have a picture, let me find it." 

Taehyun smiled involuntarily at the other boy's easiness with him. Suddenly a phone was being shoved in his face and he was watching a picture of a red cupcake with the topping a little smudged. It was funny, he couldn't deny it. 

"That doesn't even look half as bad. As long as it tastes good." 

"My friend said it did but he always says that." Soobin locked his phone and turned to him, looking right in the eye. "Maybe I should make some for you one day? What do you like?" 

Taehyun laughed loudly, not expecting the other boy to be so bold these days but in his way… a type of courage that didn't look like Yeonjun's, a genuine want to get to know him and spend time with him – it appears. 

And Taehyun? He felt a strange push to the other boy as well. "I am a man of simple taste. Chocolate cookies, are those hard?" 

"Not at all!" Soobin beamed. "It's one of the things I am great at." 

It seemed like the conversation flowed naturally, like a river after that. Topic after topic, they covered a lot of issues like what type of music they liked, things they usually chased for when they were feeling down: Soobin's calls with his mother (" _I'm a mother boy, I won't deny it_ .' He admitted, blushing) and Taehyun's time with his friends ( _"They're my family, you know?")_ and even stranger topics like the 20 minutes they spent arguing over either sandwich tasted better with or without the crust. 

The time they spent together was being so good that Taehyun didn't notice he had left his friends unsupervised until he saw Beomgyu try to take the mic and sing some karaoke. "I think I should collect my friends and go home. I'm kind of the designated driver without driving." Taehyun forced himself to be responsible and end his good time with Soobin. 

He understood the situation, claiming he saw his friend was busy and was going back home to leave him be. He paid for his drink (and also Taehyun's, much to the boy's dismay) and said his goodbyes. "I had a great time. I hope we can meet more often outside classes you know?" 

Taehyun sensed his cheeks unavoidably blush but blamed it solemnly on the drinks he had. "I agree. Maybe you can show me around town one day? I haven't had time to see anything fun."

"Oh, I have a great library downtown I love and this tea shop… Oh my God, I'm super boring aren't I?" 

"I'm interested in those. See you Soobin."

The boy waved goodbye, smiling, and he watched the other leave through the door before remembering his friends embarrassing himself. Beomgyu was the first he collected, his friend didn't look drunk at all, just his usual energetic state being amplified. 

"Let's go champ, time to go home." 

"Where have you been?" Beomgyu asked. At least his speech wasn't slurred, he seemed alright. 

"Just at the bar. Let's get Kai."

The boy giggled. "I don't think he's coming with us." 

Taehyun didn't understand until he looked at the table they were sitting on previously and noticed Kai all over Yeonjun, both boys too engulfed in their kiss and time together to realize the world around them. Taehyun couldn't help his laugh. 

"I didn't think Kai had the guts." He played, strangely proud of his friend for taking the step forward and breaking the barriers he stood on. 

"It's like watching a baby bird fly for the first time. Look at him go!" Beomgyu joked. 

"We shall leave the two boys alone then, I'll text Kai saying we will wait for him at the dorm." 

  
  
  
  


"Good eyes grace you," Beomgyu said, much _much_ later that night when he and Taehyun were under the sheets in the small bed watching some movie on Taehyun's computer and Kai opened the door, tiptoeing.

"I thought you were asleep."

"We were waiting for you!" Taehyun said incredulously, sitting down and inspecting the other boy: hair muffled and bugged eyes. "How did that happen?"

"Nothing happened."

Taehyun and Beomgyu laughed aloud, shouting _we saw you!_

"Sticking your tongue into someone else's mouth is something!" Beomgyu teased, while Taehyun threw kissing faces at the other. Kai blushed, taking his shoes off, and throwing himself into the bed with them. 

"Don't be disgusting Beomgyu." Kai finished ( _"That's exactly what you were doing!")_ "It just happened I guess? We were flirting and then we were moving closer and… when I realized I was looking at his lips and asking to kiss him."

" _Ohhhhhh!_ " Both boys teased their friend again, who was now hiding his face. "Can't believe you cuffed Choi Yeonjun. You're about to become a legend, Kai." Beomgyu finished. 

"But…" Kai said, sitting down cross-legged in front of them. "We said goodbye and he kissed me again but I don't want it to only be a casual thing you know? Is it dumb that I want to get to know him? I don't know if he is interested in me like that." 

Taehyun held his friend's hand but Beomgyu was the one to speak first. "Look, I know Yeonjun. He's a great guy." He smiled fondly. "Just ask him to talk and open all the possibilities to him. He will listen and you will talk things through." 

Kai nodded. "I was overthinking, thank you, guys."

"What are friends for?" 

☆☆☆

Time was unexplainable, he knew of this fact. But it only helped reinforcing it when he woke up one day and suddenly a flyer was being shoved into his face.

"We are going!" Beomgyu spoke, still excitingly waving the piece of paper around Taehyun didn't even have the chance to read it yet. 

So he grabbed it and the words surprised him more than he cared to admit: _Halloween Barbecue! Bring your best costume for the contest and enjoy some fresh and delicious cooked meals with us!_

How could it possibly be Halloween already? The days were passing by with his infinite stuck routine of going to classes, hanging with the guys, sleeping, and repeat. 

The only changes in his schedule had been Soobin's constant presence in his life. Text messages were exchanged almost daily now, from funny memes to retells on how their days went and what sort of games they've been playing these days. 

Even the way their schedules didn't match hasn’t stopped them from trying to meet, even if it meant a quick coffee break between classes. It was nice having a friend outside Beomgyu and Kai, who he has known his whole life. Keeping it a secret has been a choice he made out of making him laugh but now he didn't know how to approach it to his friends without them thinking he has been proposedly hiding something. 

"Costumes? Aren't I a little old for this?" Taehyun ended up answering, twisting his nose.

"What are you, an 80 year old? It's not even a party, just a food hangout, and a costume party!" Beomgyu continued, waving his hand with enthusiasm. "Besides Kai is going because Yeonjun loves eating more than anything in this world and you know we have to keep an eye on him."

_Damn my protective sense over Kai,_ he thought. "Fine. Should I bring a friend for you guys to meet?"

That seemed to have drawn Beomgyu's attention even more, as he perched himself and sent him a knowing look. "Friend? Mister Taehyun… who is your mysterious friend?"

"Just a guy from my philosophy of science class." He simply stated, trying not to make a big deal out of it. 

He should've known his friend better. "A guy friend?" Beomgyu winked but Taehyun immediately shoved him away. 

"You know I'm not looking for something like that."

"Is anyone ever?"

  
  
  
  


"So hey… I was wondering…." Taehyun started, careful and a little bit nervous about how to approach this. Soobin quickly raised his eyes from where he was studying at the library before his shift started in about 30 minutes. 

"Yes?" 

"My friend is going to the Halloween barbecue with this new boyfriend and me kind of have to go too to supervise him… Not that he needs! But you know I just get overly protective of him, ever since we were kids and everyone poked at him for being funny…"

"Get to the point Tae." Soobin giggled, facing him now with an amused expression. It wasn't the first time Taehyun had (accidentally) gone into a rant with the other boy - it was just so easy to tear down his walls around Soobin. 

"Would you like to come?" 

Soobin smiled. "Of course. I was thinking about inviting you because my friend is also going with his new boyfriend and I just know I'm going as a third wheel." 

Taehyun felt himself instantly relax. "Now the only thing left is to think of a costume."

"I know right? It's always the worst part. last year I completely forgot it was a Halloween party so I just put on some bunny ears last minute and that reputation followed me around ever since."

_That's so adorable._ "You kind of resemble a bunny though."

"You think so?" Soobin's cheeks turned into a cute crimson red, as Taehyun nodded affirmatively, he's been believing that ever since he met the boy. "Maybe I'll have to put on some extra work for this year."

"Maybe you can go to the costume competition too. I heard the winner gets a sweet coffee voucher. Lord knows how much I need one right now." His hours of studying were starting to heavy on him. 

"That would be embarrassing. Last year this guy named Beomgyu won and it was by a large shot, dude went all the way in with the Spider-Man costume."

Taehyun arched his eyebrow in surprise. He realized that not only has he been keeping Soobin a secret from his friends, Soobin was also in the dark about them. "I know, I was the one who gave him the idea and helped."

"You know him?" Soobin asked curiously, books completely discarded to the side. 

"Been friends with him ever since we were babies, I'm pretty sure he lives in my dorm now for some reason." 

"What a small world…" Soobin added, looking at the clock. "Oh, I should get going to start my shift. I guess see you on Halloween then?" 

Taehyun nodded, waving goodbye to his friend and trying to milk some productivity out of his system to finish his coursework. When he almost felt himself fall asleep, a sound of something being placed next to him took him off his slumber. Soobin was back, with his library card and a coffee in his hand. 

"For you." He said, extending the drink to him. Taehyun was speechless, before he opened his mouth to pay, the other cut him off. "It's on me. Just don't overwork yourself okay?" 

"You're the best." He quietly added, drinking the coffee and letting the blissful taste wake him up. 

Soobin smiled, a genuine dainty one before he went back to work once again. 

☆☆☆

"I like the vibe," Kai said when Beomgyu placed his costume for this year Halloween's barbecue on the table.

"I worked very hard on it! Even learned how to do makeup for the scar!" He said enthusiastically, showing the boys around a picture on his phone. 

"So which one is this… they all look the same to me." Taehyun tried to ask, smirking knowing the comment would affect his friend. 

Affecting it exactly as he expected. "You're a menace Kang Taehyun."

Kai suddenly giggled at his phone and both boys looked at him inquisitorially. "What's so funny?" 

"Yeonjun just sent me like 20 messages in a row with all his costume possibilities because he's indecisive." Kai simply said, smiling again. The two's relationship kept blooming after Kai, very shyly, asked Yeonjun what everything meant and if they could be serious and the other agreed vigorously. Now it was hard to spot who was more into the other. 

"Speaking of which my friend is coming too. I think I forgot to tell you." Taehyun added quickly.

The other two boys smiled knowingly. "Your _mysterious_ friend? Will we finally meet him?"

"Can we have more information on him or…?" Kai asked, smiling. 

"He complimented Beomgyu's costume last year."

"Of course he did! Man of so many tastes I see… I like him already!" Beomgyu announced proudly, asking the others for help to put on his costume. 

They got ready fairly quickly since it was almost time and they wasted most of it trying to put together Beomgyu's fit. Last year they spent the whole night on facetime with the boy, as he put together his Spider-Man outfit while the two others were stuck at home. They watched movies all night and ate candy and that was pretty much about it. Taehyun missed those simpler times but he was excited for the changes this year brought, and how the innovations in their friend group reflected. 

Upon arriving they instantly spotted Yeonjun dressed as Gomez Addams from the Addams family. Taehyun and Beomgyu immediately traded a look and although they didn't share a telepathic link, it seems like they were trying to communicate _how handsome_ he looks. 

"Hello, boys!" Yeonjun announced, in all his grace. "Kylo Ren? Don't you get tired of being a nerd?"

"Call me when you have a fully functioning lightsaber." Beomgyu winked, dancing around with his costume as the others laughed at his antics. 

"My friend is getting us some food, he should be right… Oh, there he is!" Yeonjun pointed out, as a familiar silhouette approached them trying to carry some food in his hands. 

"I tried to get everything but I only have two- _Oh."_ The boy said, his words dying in his throat as he noticed the other boy and smiled. "We are matching." 

Taehyun knew the words were directed to him as he looked at Soobin's Luigi outfit and his own as Mario (that he's been so teased about). "On accident too."

"That's Taehyun, he's friends with Kai." Yeonjun introduced, lacing arms with his boyfriend, unaware of the coincidence he just got all of them in. 

"Yeah…" Soobin said shyly, giving the food to the other boys and smiling shyly. "Me and Taehyun know each other." 

"Wait... Is he?" Beomgyu started but Taehyun suddenly hit him in his back and interrupted.

"Okay great fun coincidence!" Taehyun spoke urgently. "Small world yes let's eat then." He grabbed a piece of food and shoved it into his mouth, all of them grinning at his panic. 

  
  
  
  
  


The evening passed by with them getting to know each other, eating a lot of (deliciously) food, and Kai and Beomgyu trying to tease Taehyun as he immediately shut them down. Soobin kept looking in his direction but he was feeling embarrassed for some reason and didn't have what it took to approach the other boy while all of them stood together. 

The opportunity presented itself to him when Soobin offered to grab some extra drinks for everyone and Taehyun tagged along, under the disguise of wanting to help. The shy smile Soobin threw him was enough to tell him it had been a good call. "Running away from me today?" 

"I can't believe our friends are dating…" Taehyun added, trying to diffuse the tension and change the subject. 

"Yeonjun is really into Kai these days. He's always like _oh he's so cute!_ and _he's my baby_ , I'm starting to get jealous of their relationship." 

"Jealous of them being clingy masters?" Taehyun snickered. 

"I mean yeah… Must be nice. Be in a relationship with someone you like that much and in such a short amount of time."

"Guess I never put my thoughts much into the dynamics of relationships." He continued while he helped the other boy pick up some drinks and carry them in his arms. "My friends always call me a _stone-cold heartless boy._ "

"Maybe you just haven't found the right person to warm your heart?" Soobin declared but it ended up sounding more like a question than a sentence. 

Yet, Taehyun let it slide. It didn't seem the right time to be thinking about relationships, especially considering how he has gone 18 years old his life ignoring that issue and locking it inside his brain. He would like to keep it that way. 

Instead, he decided to change the topic of their interaction. "So we matched on accident?" He smirked, noticing the other boy in his green cap blushing lightly. 

"Maybe our brains just synchronized perfectly from afar." Soobin joked which erupted a laugh from Taehyun and _you're right, maybe we did._ "I never put effort into these things so I just went for the easy route."

"Me too. I didn't even want to be here, just taking an eye on Kai."

"Hey…" Soobin stopped. "Yeonjun is a great guy, really. He's in good hands."

"I'm not denying it just… I'm overprotective of him I guess. He's always been an easy target for everyone."

"Yeonjun won't do anything bad with him. He genuinely likes him."

They arrived at the table shortly after, only to notice Beomgyu gone and Kai and Yeonjun flirting in the seating area. They stopped their giggles as soon as they noticed the other two arriving. "We brought the drinks," Taehyun announced, putting down what he was carrying and looking around. "Where's Beomgyu?"

"Some other kids were dressed like star wars characters too so he joined them for a bit," Yeonjun answered. "So… Me and Kai are going to take a walk around and stuff, you guys will be okay on your own?" 

Taehyun traded an eye look with Soobin who confidently nodded as if saying _he's in good hands._ "Yeah of course. Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" Taehyun finished, looking at Kai. 

The younger grumbled. "You wouldn't do anything!" 

"Exactly. Now go!" 

Soobin laughed, taking a sip of his cup (" _Coca-Cola. I'm not much of a drinker."_ ) and looking around. Taehyun involuntarily felt a smile creep on his face at how cute the other looked in his outfit and noticing a small detail of how his pants were too small and didn't reach his ankles. 

"Kai also has the problems of pants never being tailored for his height." He tried to initiate a conversation without the feeling of awkwardness. Although it's never been other than comfort shared between them. 

"Ah…" The other tried, embarrassed. "Tall people struggle. But I've learned how to adapt to the look." 

"This was fun for the food but now I'm getting bored of university gatherings. Are they always like this?"

"They do other fun events like Quiz nights and stuff but Halloween is usually just an excuse to get people to party and forget about their assignments for next week," Soobin explained. 

"I miss watching scary movies with Kai and Beomgyu. Look at them now, all grown up…"

The comment erupted the reaction he wanted from Soobin who just laughed loudly. "You sound like an old man."

"Maybe I am!" He said, feign mockery as he tried to make the other smile. 

After a while Soobin opened his mouth again, sounding slightly agitated. "Maybe we can go back to my dorm and watch some movies…?" 

How could he ever say no?

  
  
  
  


"I never expected you to be the messy one." Taehyun mocked as he entered Soobin's dorm room and he immediately started shoving clothes that were previously on the ground into the closet. 

The other blushed at the teasing, probably embarrassed. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Don't worry, I share a dorm room like this with two other boys, we managed to be worse."

"Why do you share it with two people?" Soobin looked genuinely confused. 

"Beomgyu claims his roommate sucks and so he basically moved into our dorm room? It's okay, we are used to having no privacy around each other." 

Soobin patted the seat next to him on the bed, the other gladly accepting it and sitting (at a comfortable distance) as Soobin placed the computer in his legs and searched for a movie. "You guys have known each other for so long right?"

Taehyun nodded. "We grew up together, basically got our diapers changed together." He laughed as Soobin smiled with his comment. "I'm glad we managed to stay together all these years. How did you meet Yeonjun?"

"Oh, we dormed together last year and, against all odds, became friends too." He finished, pointing out at a movie he had found and wondered if maybe they could watch that. Taehyun wasn't picky so he said yes as they watched the movie credits start rolling. 

For a while, they watched the build-over of the movie, a typical scary movie that had a simple storyline and that inevitably would include some sort of paranormal activity to scare the viewers. Taehyun thought he was too rational to get scared over movies that didn't even have a linear storyline to begin with and various plot holes.

Then the first jump scare happened and he felt himself shiver and bounce a little. Soobin must've noticed because, even with the only light visible being his computer screen, the boy still smiled teasingly. 

"Don't make fun of me!" Taehyun whispered, moving a little bit closer - just so he could watch the screen better. 

Nothing happened for the next hour until things started to get scary. Taehyun prided himself in living up to his _cold heart_ stereotype but there was something about this that was making him feel frightened. So when the next jump scare happened, he reacted on instinct and grabbed Soobin's arm. He blushed immediately and took it out as soon as he realized, but the other boy didn't seem to mind, shifting closer and holding out his arm for him. "I don't mind."

So he held into the other boy, trying to control his heart from the scares (or so he assumed), and at some point, he got so comfortable with the position he felt his head drop on Soobin's shoulders and hiding them every time something a bit more terrifying happened. It made him feel a little bit better noticing the other looked scared too, clinging onto him with the same intensity he did.

The breath of relief they both released when the movie was over propelled a laughing burst from them. "We should watch something less terrifying now," Soobin suggested, not making any effort to move away from him, only using his free hand to pull up the cozy blanket and cover both of them. 

"You can pick," Taehyun said, feeling the other boy stare at him as he clung to his arm and laid his head again. "Am I making you uncomfortable?" 

"No!' Soobin rushed. "Not at all. Let's watch something else then." 

☆☆☆

_let’s go out after this?_

When he got the small note on his desk during class, he smiled before looking and catching Soobin blushing next to him. The teacher was rambling about something on ethics but he couldn’t pay more attention anymore. 

_okay ^-^ where are we going?_

Soobin didn’t reply, typing some notes on his computer as the teacher spoke. Another involuntary smile broke on Taehyun’s face, as he decided to try to pay some attention then, patiently waiting for class to end and check what Soobin had in store for them. 

When everyone was packing their things to leave, Taehyun stayed up waiting for Soobin to clarify some doubts he had with the teacher and playing with the bunny keychain in the other boy’s backpack. “Okay, let’s go!” Soobin exclaimed enthusiastically, shoving his papers in a rush and pushing the other off his spot. Taehyun could only laugh at the uncharacteristic behavior of the boy. 

“Can I know where this mysterious place you’re taking me?”

“You said you don’t know the city very well so today I’m serving as your guide!”

_Cute._ “That’s sweet of you. Are you taking me to your favorite bookstore you mentioned?”

Soobin blushed. “I can’t believe you remember that…”

“I remember everything when it comes to you,” Taehyun affirmed without even thinking about the implications of his sentence. 

They were walking outside campus now, Soobin placing a hand on his back to guide him in the rush hour of lunch. He always felt a little powerless whenever he stood next to Soobin and it was something he couldn’t explain, hoping it was all related to their 8-centimeter height difference. “Yeonjun arrived so late at the dorm tomorrow, I think he was hanging out with Kai.”

Taehyun laughed, remembering the scene he assisted yesterday. “Yeah! I wondered why Kai wanted so badly for me and Beomgyu to go have dinner out.”

“Really?” Soobin giggled.

“Yeah! We had to leave early because Beomgyu remembered he had a paper due and entered the dorm to catch the both of them making out in my bed too. Like the disrespect…”

Soobin couldn’t hold his laugh when he heard that, even catching the attention of people around them. “Why am I not surprised?”

“I’ve never seen Kai stumble in his words so much. Yeonjun didn’t seem bothered a small bit with it.”

“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a bone of shame in his body,” Soobin added, leading them into the streets to the bus stop. “But he’s a good guy. I think he’s been searching for someone like Kai for a long time.”

Surprise was the emotion of the moment for Taehyun. “What do you mean?”

“It’s like… He just gets around with people very easily and it’s too naive to see when they’re using him. He needed someone like Kai, who genuinely liked him.”

“Kai does. It’s been a short amount of time but they get along really well. I’m just afraid because… I don’t know how to say this without looking like I’m insulting your friend.”

The bus interrupted their conversation, as they both entered, Soobin pointing out to the double seats in the back. Taehyun let him lead the way and smiled when the other boy sacrificed the window seat for him. “Try me.” Soobin finally answered, seemingly wanting their conversation to go on. 

“I like Yeonjun okay? He helps me a lot with my calculus class.” Taehyun laughed, thinking about how the pink-haired boy had saved him on his test last week. “But it’s like you said, he gets around and Kai is not as innocent as people paint him to be but I’m still worried for him.”

Soobin seemed to drink his talking, word by word. “I get it! But you still have a wrong impression with Yeonjun, he’s much more sensitive and insecure than he looks.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“At the end of the day, he’s just in the search for love like we all are.” Soobin finished and Taehyun couldn’t help but beam at that. 

“I see you’re a romantic.”

Soobin blushed. “I wouldn’t say a romantic just… It seems nice. Loving someone.”

“You can love people with no romantic intention,” Taehyun argued back, the sentence on the tip of his tongue. 

“I know that!” Soobin said determinately. “There’s something about romantic love and love stories that just get me I guess…”

“Very much on brand, I think.” Taehyun teased, the other’s cheeks growing a deeper shade of red before announcing they arrived at their stop and getting off the bus. 

Before moving to the place they were planning on going from the beginning, they had to stop to get some lunch. Taehyun, who’s always been an advocate to support local business, found the street food stance a lovely place to get something to eat and Soobin agreed. Before he could take out his wallet to pay for his part, the other boy was already pushing him, saying goodbye to the vendor.

“Did you pay for my food?”

Soobin nodded. “It was no big deal, just eat it.”

So they did. Small conversations as they walked down the street, their love chat discarded and the new topic introduced about something they had discussed in class and both found engaging. Every discussion they had was always so undemanding and had a quick flow, which he strongly cherished. 

Food eaten and right in the middle of their conversation over their newest reads, Soobin pointed out they had arrived at the place he wanted to show the other boy. From the outside, the establishment had an old vintage look façade, something that would’ve called out for Taehyun even if he was alone. The inside was even more beautiful, the circling stairs and the tapestry look. “Told you it was good.” Soobin voiced, Taehyun called out his state of contemplation.

“How did you find this place?”

“I spend too much time online searching for things…” The other confessed, and they laughed. “They have a cool version of the book you were talking about, let me show you.”

He let Soobin guide him with a hand in his back, the pressure he applied somehow feeling appropriate. He didn’t take the hand out as he showed the book, even as they moved into the philosophy section and explored some of the authors they learned in class - Soobin in other classes especially.

“Why do we always end up in philosophy? I feel like you’re trying to convert me.”

“Like physics is any better!”

Taehyun chuckled. “It’s not bad if you look at it from the right angle.”

“Just saying that already ruined the whole thing.” Soobin mocked. Taehyun wanted to argue back but he accidentally tripped on a step he didn’t see. Thankfully the other boy grabbed him immediately by the waist, securing him down as they ended up facing each other.

The time, for some reason, seemed to stop at that moment as he let the incident sink in his brain. “You okay?” Soobin asked after what it felt like years. He just nodded, his heart beating fast at the proximity - he wasn’t used to standing so near people. 

“Thanks, those were quick reflexes.”

“Can your physics explain that?” Soobin mocked and Taehyun laughed, hitting him lightly in the arm as Soobin placed a hand on his shoulder and laughed. 

☆☆☆

“I need a job,” Taehyun said after he got off the phone with his mother.

“Did your mother say anything?” Beomgyu asked, he and Kai playing on the game console they had brought from home. 

“No, but she implied in her condescending voice as she does. So now I feel guilty.”

Both boys send him a _sorry_ look, already accustomed to the complaints the boy had regardless of the issue. “Maybe you should get something here on campus, so it doesn’t take much of your time.”

“That’s what I have in mind too,” Taehyun confessed, sitting next to the boys and laying his head on Kai’s shoulders. “Do you guys have any ideas?”

“What about the library? They always hire people for book organization and stuff.” Beomgyu said, never taking his eyes off the impressive car race he and Kai were struggling on right now. 

Something distinctly lit up on Taehyun’s brain. “You’re a genius Gyu!” 

“So I’ve been told,” Beomgyu smirked, glowing under the compliment.

“By who? No literally… who would call you a genius?” Kai ridiculed. “Your mother doesn’t count.”

“For your information, I am smarter than the average person.”

“In what world idiot? You tried to eat fries with ice cream the other day.”

“And it was delicious!” 

Taehyun just laughed at their antics as he typed on his phone. 

  
  


_tyun: hey are u there_

**soob: of course :D** **  
****soob: hi**

_tyun: this is gonna sound like a super weird request but i need a job_

**soob: how can i be of any help**

_tyun: do you think the library is hiring_

**soob** : **they’re always on the lookout for people. but i will get you in if you want…**

_tyun: you’re the best soob_

  
  


“Who are you texting?” Beomgyu bid after the genius discussion came out to a natural end and the game paused. 

“Mind your own business?” Taehyun retorqued back. 

“Bet he’s speaking with Soobin.” Kai teased, sending kissing faces at him. 

“You’re right, stupid of me to ask since he already spends more time with him than he does with us.” Beomgyu continued, smirking as both of them teased Taehyun to no ends. 

He was used to this by now but couldn’t help but bite back. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that spending the last eighteen years of my life with you guys wasn’t enough.”

“We angered the beast, Kai!” Beomgyu said, his typical over dramatics masked by his smile. 

“Oh to be young and in love.” Kai sang a smirk on his face.

“Who said love? He’s just a friend.” Taehyun added, moving on to a seat on his bed and opening a book he was doing some light reading for class.

“Right Kai we forgot… Taehyun doesn’t believe in love.”

“Right…” Kai continued, laying next to Taehyun, who turned around to face the opposite side to where the younger had placed himself. “Tyun, you’re not mad are you?”

“I’m not,” Taehyun whined, but it didn’t seem sincere, the other two boys trading a smile. 

“Sorry Tyun, you know we are just joking around,” Beomgyu stated, sitting on the end of the bed.

Taehyun huffed. “I know, I’m not mad. But he is just a friend okay? And he works at the library so I was asking for help.”

Kai hugged him, resting his head on his shoulders. “I just think you should open your heart to the possibility Tyun.”

_What possibility?_ He thought. 

  
  
  
  


The conversation played over and over in his head as he looked through the window of his dorm. He enjoyed the fact that they had a window facing the back rather than the street, so he had a more relaxing time examining the trees. 

These days he fancied trying to name the stray cats that hung up in the University gardens. What surprised him even more was seeing a familiar face appear in the place, a shadow of someone carrying a bag with what seemed like cat food. 

He smiled internally. Of course, Soobin would come by at night and feed the stray cats. He thought of calling the other boy and tease him but decided to enjoy this moment on his own, seeing the boy sit down and let the cats play around him and on his lap. 

Even if he was the cause of all the interior conflict he was having, he still took this time to himself, reflecting on how sweet of a guy Soobin was. And it didn't fool anybody. 

_tyun: looking cute out there with the cats._

Soobin, in the garden, immediately faced up, looking everywhere until his eyes laid on Taehyun, who laughed and waved at him. The boy smiled, he could see even in the dim light. 

**soob: you scared me**

**soob: didn't know your dorm was in this area.**

_tyun: yeah!_

_tyun: that's very cute of you to feed the cats_

**soob: don't you know already? im super cute**

_tyun: I can see that..._

☆☆☆

“I don’t like the way this storage is looking,” Taehyun claimed as he looked at a small cookie package that was left in the short cabinets they had in the dorm for their food. Granted he wasn’t surprised, they were all young adults, full of school responsibilities who lived off instant food packs and carbonated sodas and have forgotten to store their repository. 

“Considering we are somehow three people shoved into this dorm, doesn’t surprise me it ended up that empty,” Kai added, currently drawing something for his project. 

“I think I’m going grocery shopping then. This is disastrous.”

The other boy just waved him goodbye, mentioning that their grocery jar had the money necessary for the purchases. They decided after Beomgyu had _officially_ moved into their dorm, that they needed to contribute equally to groceries. The other boys whined at the way Taehyun had a well thought, many steps, formulated plan on how their living agreement would process. Beomgyu called him an organization freak but they ended up agreeing in a simplified version, the grocery jar: they all contribute equally to it and someone buys them at the end of the month. 

It seemed like they have forgotten their deadline because the pantry looked sad, to say the least. Taehyun now wasn't dependent entirely on his parents, with his library job, so he had a little bit more freedom when it came to money and spending it. 

The library job had been simultaneously the best and probably stupidest decision. Although he didn't mind the time he spent with Soobin and how they always ended up on the organizing and cataloging section, it became insanely boring at some point. They came up with a great game to play during the organizing times. 

" _If you open that book on page 35… It will reveal how you're going to be like in 10 years."_ Soobin usually started the game, always the one eager to keep the conversation flowing while Taehyun enjoyed the comfortable silence. 

Taehyun would pick the book he would be inventorying. " _In two years he ended up dying."_ He read, laughing. 

_"Oh no!"_ Soobin tried to say dramatically, but his smile was really cute. " _This was a bad idea."_

He smiled involuntarily at the memory. Soobin had been swamped in assignments so they haven't had much time together aside from desk work in the library and class. 

He admitted he missed the other boy badly. It's been a while since they had their signature talks and spent time just doing something else that wasn't work or assignments. It was a weird shift for him, going from spending so much time with someone and suddenly, not having it anymore. An emptiness he couldn't describe. 

He entered the store as the thoughts swarmed his mind. What did it mean that he missed Soobin so much? Or more importantly, what was about the other boy that called out for him so badly? For years he convinced himself he wouldn't need any other friends. Of course, he knew people and had a lot of acquaintances but, for so long, Beomgyu and Kai had been the only people he has opened up to. _His family._ And he was okay with that.

Until Soobin came along. 

"Tae?" He heard the voice clogging his thoughts interrupting his internal monologue and just standing there, smiling. "It's so good to see you!" Soobin finished, stepping in to hug Taehyun tightly, in a way he has learned to appreciate. 

"Hey… You've been busy I missed you." Taehyun found himself confessing, feeling his body act weirdly at that moment. 

Soobin blushed. "I have, it's been terrible. But I'm so happy to see you, I needed it."

The tone in his voice was a tired one and he felt his heartstrings pull with a need to help his friend. "Are you okay?"

"Just tired." 

Taehyun hummed, brainstorming quickly ways to try to cheer the other boy up. "Are you here to get something?" 

"Need to get some groceries."

"Me too. Maybe we can do it together? Catch up?" Taehyun tried, a fond smile on his features. The other boy looked relaxed at that, retributing the smile and gesturing for the other to lead the way. 

So they caught in what they missed in each other's lives the past weeks. November has kicked in with the cold and Soobin confessed he was feeling his nose run a little bit with the beginning of a cold. Taehyun couldn't let that happen so he immediately placed a pack of his favorite tea in Soobin's basket, with a promise of sending the cold tea recipe that would help him get better in no time. 

"Always so resourceful." Soobin thanked him. 

They ended up spending more time than what Taehyun had scheduled to spend on buying groceries. They were bad influences on each other, throwing sweets and buying each other what they wanted instead of going around and getting the cheaper option. 

He began noticing that people were probably starting to get angry at the way they laughed so loudly every time they were with each other but that was something that couldn't be helped, it was the way they were. 

"Do you want to go to the bar on Friday?" Soobin finished, right before they waved goodbye in their own dorms directions.

Taehyun quirked an eyebrow. "Do you want to spend time with _we are so in love_ couple Yeonjun and Kai?" 

Soobin looked down, touching the nape of his neck before answering. "I meant just the two of us."

An _oh_ died in Taehyun's mouth but a giggle was immediately set in the place. _Involuntarily._ "Okay. Let's go."

Soobin beamed. 

☆☆☆

"Pst!" He heard Soobin whisper on the other side of the shelf he was labeling the books for. He took a book out and saw the taller smiling from the other side. "The two girls over there were whispering about Yeonjun."

Taehyun had to close his mouth to avoid the laughing sound coming out. "You're joking."

"They were talking about how hot he is." Both of them giggled at that, looking around to be sure they weren't heard. 

"Do they… not know? It's obnoxiously obvious how much he is head over heels with Kai." Taehyun started, rolling his eyes. 

"I blame Yeonjun for not believing in social media and thinking it's just a tool for the government to stalk him." Soobin moved around to his side, sitting on the table where they had the unlabeled books. 

"He is right, isn't he?" Taehyun joked and Soobin just answered with _you're joking right_ before opening up the book on top of the pile. "But still, they're always together."

"Maybe they're good friends." Soobin smiled at his joke, Taehyun giggling. "This is a really good book." 

He took a look at the book the other was holding. "You've never read 100 years of solitude?" 

Soobin shook his head. "Not really, why?" 

" _Wherever they might be they always remember that the past was a lie, that memory has no return, that every spring gone by could never be recovered, and that the wildest and most tenacious love was an ephemeral truth in the end."_ Taehyun cited, remembering clearly that line from the book like it was yesterday that he first read it. Soobin was staring at him with a sparkly eye and an expression he couldn't decipher at the moment. "I love that book."

"That was nice. Can't believe you can quote that." Soobin chuckled, going back to the book.

"Everyone can quote parts from books if the part has touched them. Can't you?"

" _The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only._ " Soobin answered, his eyes never meeting Taehyun's. But the younger couldn't help but admire the way the other had so simply stated those words like he has recalled them countless and countless times before. 

"Les Misérables by Victor Hugo?" Taehyun asked. Soobin only nodded. 

"It's one of the few books that remind me that classic literature isn't only for straight people. You know in the end, Grantaire and Enjolras die holding hands? Makes me feel a lot of things, that scene."

And Taehyun knew. Funnily enough, he doesn't recall, in the roll of conversations, he and Soobin had, the subject of sexuality ever being touched. Maybe it was just easier for them to assume things about the other, seeing each other in the way and light they wanted. Maybe coming out wasn't something the both of them ever considered together. 

"So your dream is to die holding hands with someone?" Taehyun tried to defuse the mood, joking around. 

Soobin smiled faintly. "Idiot." He said, going back to labeling the books with a fresh tint in his cheeks. "I mean like… must be nice loving someone that much."

"You know you can love people in so many ways, not just romantically."

"I know that. Guess I never felt something like that so I'm curious. What's like…"

"You've never had a boyfriend?" Taehyun asked, a way to finally confirm his suspicions but also of sheer curiosity.

Soobin shook his head. "No. Never liked someone like that. Or maybe just didn't have the courage…"

Taehyun collected the book Soobin was labeling and placed it on the shelves. They stayed in silence for a little while until the inevitable question arose. "What about you?" Soobin asked. 

"Me?" 

Soobin nodded, stopping his work and locking eyes with the other boy. "Never had a girlfriend?" 

"Never had a boyfriend, no," Taehyun confesses. "Never thought about it if I'm honest."

Thankfully the conversation seemed to draw itself to a natural end at the moment but it was enough to leave his mind in a natural state of reflections about the whole topic. 

  
  
  
  


"You're getting ready?" Beomgyu asked. "For what?"

Taehyun continued to button up his dress-up shirt. "Going out."

"With who?" Kai asked, perched on the bed, scrolling on his phone. 

"None of your business," Taehyun replied quickly, taking a look in the mirror. 

Beomgyu and Kai traded a look before answering, in perfect sync. "Soobin."

The boy chose to ignore them, making sure he didn't forget any important belongings like his wallet and phone. Although it didn't seem like he needed his phone too much. 

Beomgyu approached him, messing his hair and unbuttoning the top of his shirt. "Show some skin dude."

"I'm just going out with a friend."

" _A friend…_ " Kai answered, giggling. "Taehyun, why are so stubborn?" 

"Excuse me?" 

"Kai he'll realize eventually," Beomgyu added, kicking him out of the dorm with a promise of having fun. 

Taehyun tried to erase that interaction from his head, not thinking hard over his friend's enigmas. It wasn't worth it, all he wanted was to have fun with his friend and maybe relax a little. 

They have agreed to meet at Soobin's dorm since it was a small walk from his and in the direction of the bar. He immediately saw the boy outside already, a jacket perched in his back but a low blue v neck shirt and some tight pants embroidering his frame. 

"Did Yeonjun dress you?" 

Soobin blushed immediately, shyly averting his gaze. "Is it too obvious?"

"Yes. But it looks really good on you, you should wear it more often." He said, the compliments slipping easily in his tongue. Soobin seemed to enjoy it simply, gesturing with his hands to keep walking, a smile in his features. 

In moments like this, where they walked side by side, making regular conversation was when he noticed how accentuated their height difference was. It usually made him feel unexplainable things when he regarded the short detail since he was used to being considered tall. At least that's what he assumed the strange feeling came from. 

"After you," Soobin added politely, opening the door for him. He smiled and together they entered the establishment, choosing a booth next to the black board. It was usually full of unresolved math problems and riddles, he enjoyed thinking about them sometimes. "You're thinking about the riddle already aren't you?" 

Taehyun smirked. "Can't think about something I have already solved." 

"For real?" Soobin questioned eagerly. The riddle was simple today, he thought. There was a simple equation on the board made up of straight lines, they called matches. 3+3=8. The point was to move two matches to make the equation correct. "How do you do it?" 

"You move one match from the right to make a zero to the 3 to make a 9. And then move another one from the plus sign to make a minus, and move it to the other 3."

Soobin thought about it, visualizing what the other was trying to express. "Nine minus nine equals zero. Genius. You solved that so quickly too."

Taehyun flushed. "It was nothing, just quick thinking."

"You're smart Taehyun, accept that." 

The blush in his cheeks was enough to accept the compliment. The waiter approached them quickly, smiling politely at Soobin (probably used to his regular presence) and asking for their orders. They weren't planning on anything fancy, so they just ordered some chips and other snacks, accompanied by some drinks. 

"I'm not much of a fan of alcohol, but I'm trying to get off my comfort zone recently." Soobin explained, after they each ordered a beer. 

"You don't have to force yourself to like things." Taehyun explained, the other boy smiled at him. 

"I'm not, don't worry. Just trying new things."

The whole time there had been a new thing for Taehyun as well. He was used to spend time mostly with his best friends only, so the increased amount of time he spent with Soobin was very fresh and exciting, and he was savoring the experience so far.

As always, their conversation evolved quickly into different topics, flowing without a break it appears. From their new assignment to school, to the guy in their class who always sleeps and thinks never gets caught to their favourite deserts, with Taehyun finishing that he hasn't tasted Soobin's baked goods yet. 

At some point during the night they moved to the bar stools, to give place for two girls to sit. Taehyun liked this better, the proximity the stools provided was better for their conversation and time together. What he didn't expect the stools to offer was a better view at Soobin. And he wasn't the only one looking. 

"Nice fit." A guy voiced next to Soobin. The other's boy head snapped quick to his side, a nervous gesture, Taehyun discerned. "Never seen you in something like this."

"Ah.. Hi Jungwoo. It's been a while." Soobin said, but his tone was laced with nervousness. Taehyun limited himself to watch. 

"We shared a few classes last semester." The boy said, eyeing Soobin up and down. "It's good seeing you again."

Soobin gulped and nodded, taking a sip of his drink and not opening his mouth. Taehyun prided himself in being able to read his friend's body signs well, the hand under his leg, the hair combing, his feet thumping on the ground…

"Can I buy you a drink?" The boy asked, getting close to Soobin, almost whispering those words.

Taehyun didn't know what came over him, or to explain why there was a weird feeling bubbling in his stomach but, suddenly he found himself get closer to Soobin. "I think he's served already, thank you." 

Jungwoo seemed to finally notice the other presence, a sharp look directed to him. "Oh… I didn't notice you had company." 

"He does." Taehyun replied immediately, sharply. To make sure even more of his presence, he placed his hand on Soobin's back, sending a hard look into the other man’s direction.

Jungwoo forced a smile, nodding. "In that case… It was good seeing you Soobin." He finished, getting off his stool. 

Soobin released a breath he was holding. "That was weird." He took the last sip of his drink. "Was he flirting with me?" 

"Yeah." Taehyun answered, feeling suddenly angry. "Idiot." 

"That was… Different. Never had someone flirt with me like that, so boldly." Soobin answered. 

"Hopefully he won't again."

Soobin quirked his eyebrows, a dopey smile in his feature. "Why not?" 

Taehyun gulped. "Just… He interrupted and wasn't very nice. Didn't seem to me at least."

The other boy smiled knowingly, looking down at his feet before raising his state again. "Are you jealous?" 

Taehyun, who was in the middle of a sip, almost choked on it. "What?! No… I, No! Why would I?" 

"Cute." Soobin answered. "Do you want to go now? We still have time to watch a movie or something." And despite his lack of answers after the compliment, he managed to nod and let the other push him off the stool and out of the bar.

☆☆☆

December knocked at their doors quicker than any of them expected. It had been a couple of busy weeks, every one filled with exams and deadlines and a direct consequence was the time they spent together ended up being short interactions and meetings. 

Taehyun lived in the library these days - quite literally. In between work and studying he barely had time to do anything else. He felt thankful he had Soobin to keep track of him because he was sure he would've skipped so many meals if the other wasn't constantly on his back to do so. 

It was nice having someone to care so much like that. He realized though it wasn't one-sided. He cared for Soobin as much as the other boy worried for him. In between reminding the other boy of his deadlines, making sure he didn't fell asleep during their slowest shifts, and doing their groceries together, he felt like he saw Soobin more times than he saw his roommates. 

Then again the feeling was different. He spent eighteen years taking care of those idiots, for the first time, it felt good being the one taken care of. That's why, in the last week before their winter break, they decided it was time to reunite the gang. It was Soobin's idea, this time during their library lunch break. 

"We should hang out with your friends. I never got to properly know them." Soobin started the conversation first, pushing his chair closer to his on the staff's break room. 

Taehyun nodded. "Sure? I mean you should definitely tag Yeonjun along, but he would come anyways I think. He and Kai are glued." 

"However, I think it's cute. Never seen Yeonjun so into someone."

Taehyun slurped in his noodles before speaking. "Kai is a charmer. I am not surprised."

Soobin giggled at that. Before he could ask what was so funny, he saw the other lean towards him and clean his mouth with a napkin. "You're a sloppy eater."

His cheeks involuntarily heated up at both the gesture and the teasing. "You're a menace Choi Soobin."

"You didn't say anything about the hangout."

Did he think it would be a good idea? Absolutely not. He prided himself in knowing Beomgyu and Kai would take the opportunity to relentlessly tease him and taunt him, their favorite hobby. No matter how many times Taehyun had denied he didn't think of Soobin that way. 

On the other hand, he had a weird feeling of wanting to show off Soobin to his friends. Not only as proof of how he is capable of making friends despite his awkwardness in general but also because Soobin was one of the most fascinating people he has ever met. He was a kind genuine guy, who saw no malice in anything and actively worked to make the world a better place, in his eyes. 

He couldn't understand why he had the urge to show this to other people, part of him wanted to be the only one to see this Soobin and the other wanted to scream to the world _how amazing this guy is!_

"I think it's a great idea. Maybe Saturday, after exams?" 

Soobin beamed. "We could play some games, me and Yeonjun play monopoly sometimes. And Uno."

"Is this related to Yeonjun's complete displeasure of technology?" Taehyun added, leaning behind on his chair and enjoying seeing the other boy's correct stance contrast directly with his terrible position.

"It's not a displeasure… he just takes conspiracy theories to an extreme." 

"Nerd." 

Soobin laughed. And it sounded dramatic for Taehyun at the time, but he thought he could've listened to it for the rest of his life. 

  
  
  
  


"Your dad called." Was the first words Beomgyu spoke to him once he arrived at the dorm, late at night.

He felt his heart stop at it. "He called you?" 

Beomgyu signed, urging him to sit on his makeshift bed on the floor (They had long accepted he was practically dorming with them now and decided to make a bed for him. Sounded only fair). "He said you weren't picking his calls and he wanted to ask if you were still considering spending Christmas with him."

"So I can see his new girlfriend that he's going to change in another week? I think I'll pass." Taehyun finished, letting his head rest on Beomgyu's shoulders. "I'll call him later, sorry for the bother."

"Nah, no worries Tyun. You know I don't care." Beomgyu added, resting his head on top of his friend's. "So is spending Christmas with your mom better?"

"Not by the slightest." Taehyun finished. "But at least there I'm closer to you guys."

They saw the door open and Kai waving them hello, before putting his backpack and jacket down. He smiled, lying next to them on the bed. "So what's up?"

"Taehyun's dad called me today." Beomgyu recapped the story to the other, playing the conversation to his friend. He felt thankful for not having to repeat it all over again. 

"Oh, man… Do you think he has a new girlfriend?"

"Yeah, he posted pictures on Facebook with her on a vacation in Bali or whatever. Wish he would send me the money instead of spending it all like an idiot."

"That's fucked up parenting." Kai finished. "You're welcome to spend Christmas with us. My sisters already sent me pictures of them decorating the house."

Taehyun felt his heart grow at the sincerity of the words. "Thank you, Kai. You're the best. Both of you."

"College it's been nice for you to get your mind off home, right?" He nodded at Beomgyu's words. It had been. 

Later that night the thoughts didn't seem to stop plaguing him. They noticed it started snowing outside, so Beomgyu and Kai took the opportunity to drag him outside to play in the snow. Students seemed to had the same idea, as everyone gathered around in all sorts of overdressed - pajamas under long-coated jackets - building snowmen and having fights. 

"Hey, I'm gonna call Yeonjun over! We don't get snow in our house!" Kai announced excitedly, before pulling out his phone and calling his boyfriend. 

A few minutes later he showed up, dressed in the same attire as most students, and followed closely by a familiar figure Taehyun recognized from afar. 

"Hey!" Yeonjun greeted everyone, kissing Kai as much as their layers allowed them to. "You sounded so excited over the phone, I couldn't believe it!" 

Kai laughed. "We don't have snow in our town! This is like, the best thing ever!"

All of them giggled at the enthusiasm, but even in the bad mood Taehyun found himself in, he let the younger's happiness overflow him. He felt Soobin's stare on him, and as soon as the others launched himself into a building snowman competition, Soobin shifted closer. 

"Hey… You okay?" _Damn Soobin and his incredible senses_. 

"Just tired? Can't wait for this week to be over and have some rest." Taehyun tried to answer. The other didn't seem convinced.

"You sure?" 

Taehyun breathed in. "I'm just having some issues at home. Nothing I'm not used to."

Soobin hummed, before doing something unexpected and pulling him into a hug. They were both wearing padded jackets that gave him extra volume, and both feeling slightly cold but the instance Soobin's arms wrapped around him, he felt his body warm-up. 

"Whenever you want to talk, I'm here for it," Soobin whispered in his ear. He allowed himself to melt into the hug, lacing his arms around Soobin's torso and holding tight, letting the moment longer. 

"Thank you." He answered, genuinely, his emotions speaking louder at the moment. When they separated, Soobin combed his hair under the beanie and smiled. "Did Yeonjun drag you?" 

Soobin blushed. "I heard Kai say you were going to be here too." An _oh_ died in his mouth, as he tried not to think much about the meaning. "Kind of wanted to start a snow fight with you."

At that, a full fit of giggles left his mouth. "You want to get your ass beaten that much?" 

Soobin comically took offense in that, before picking a full fist of snow and throwing it directly at Taehyun. Not entertained by the gesture, Taehyun promptly started to gather snow in his hands, as Soobin ran to hide behind the first person that appeared at his side - Beomgyu, in this case. 

"What's happening?" Beomgyu asked, clearly not familiar with Soobin as much, and surprised by the gesture. 

"I think Taehyun is going to kill me with that snow." Soobin joked. Beomgyu seemed to love the idea. 

"Okay, let's team up to beat his ass." Beomgyu agreed, quickly launching himself into the snow fight. Soon everyone joined their gathering, laughing and yelling being thrown in the mix, as they spent their late night in the snow. Taehyun completely forgetting why he was upset, to begin with. 

Later that night he got a text:

**soob✿: i meant it. anything you ever need, im here for you okay?**

He giggled at his pillow, carefully not to wake up his exhausted friends. 

_tyun: i know that.  
_ _tyun: i appreciate it a lot.  
_ _tyun: i hope we can still talk during winter break._

**soob✿: please.  
** **soob✿: i can't be taehyunnie deprived.  
** **soob✿: my worst nightmare.**

Another giggle. 

_tyun: dramatic  
_ _tyun: good night binnie._

**soob✿: binnie… i like that.  
** **soob✿: goodnight <3**

Giggle.

☆☆☆

Winter break was as much pain as he expected. He didn't end up going to his father - which only made the time a little better. His family wasn't devoted to Christmas or celebrations, so he never ended up doing much aside from sitting in his bed and watch some TV while eating snacks. 

Thankfully he had the other boys to get his mind off things. They spent as much time together as they did in college, which wasn't surprising one bit. Lingering on the break wasn't in his plans, so as soon as he had an opportunity to get back to the dorms, he took it. The boys decided to tag along, all of them taking the bus. 

"Yeonjun asked if we want to spend new year's with him?" Kai pronounced, a little over half of the trip. They were sat in the back seats of the bus, all of them shoved into each other. 

"Sure, why not," Beomgyu answered, half asleep. The boy had the talent to sleep in any corner, at any given time.

"No parties this year?" Taehyun teased. 

"I don't need parties when I get to spend with you guys. Who's gonna be my new year's kiss?" 

They both laughed. "Can't do this year, I think I already have one," Kai added, blushing. 

"Taehyun can't be either, so what will I do now?" 

"Why not me?" Taehyun demanded incredulously.

"Because you have Soobin, I don't want to get into that mess." 

Taehyun rolled his eyes. He decided not to give them the hand to enter the _Soobin_ subject. He had enough teasing and mockery the past days, especially after he opened Soobin's Christmas gift. 

There was no point in clicking the engines in his brain about this subject again. He didn't understand why the others insisted so much on this, even if he admitted something for the boy, he didn't want to be a part of something like a romantic relationship. Sure, Yeonjun and Kai were doing amazing, definitely more into each other every passing day, but what about everyone else in the world?

According to the statistics, over 46% of marriages end up in divorce, most of them for reasons that usually end up being _falling out of love._ The rest of the percentage is estimated to be staying in loveless marriages, salve some exceptions.

So he makes sure to don't be a part of those statistics numbers. He can't fall out of something if he never fell in the first place. 

  
  
  
  


"What are you wearing?" Yeonjun asked, on the 31st as soon as they knocked at his and Soobin's dorm room. Kai quirked an eyebrow, the question directed at him. 

"A sweater?" 

"That's mine," Yeonjun said, pulling him for a peck and smiling goofily. "Looks cute on you."

Kai chuckled and Taehyun took a second to appreciate the other's smile, something so pure and full of adoration, it was impossible not to feel warm about it. 

Another contribution to the warmth he was feeling was also the sight of a sleepy Soobin on the small couch in the room. He was covered in a fluffy pink blanket, only his head peaking. "He fell asleep after baking. I think he did cupcakes for us or something? Don't even remember." Yeonjun added, noticing him staring. 

"Looks cute." Taehyun found himself not resist the comment. Yeonjun didn't answer, but a small smirk invaded his features as he guided Beomgyu over to show him something. 

Taehyun dropped his jacket and chose to sit next to Soobin. It wasn't a big couch, as they didn't have much space left in the room for something bigger, therefore he did end up a bit squished into the other boy. He didn't want to wake him up, but the boys were about to start making noise for sure, especially after Beomgyu found a game of UNO hidden in a corner. 

"Binnie…" He whispered, shaking the boy a little. He seemed to be sleeping peacefully, so didn't move the slightest. Taehyun couldn't hold his giggles, the other looking extremely soft, half-laid down, hair disheveled and breathing so evenly. He combed his hair with his fingers, before moving his hand to cup his cheek. "Wake up Binnie…" He continued tenderly. 

"Hm…" The boy finally showed signs of waking up, moving slightly. "Who…" He started, eyes still closed. 

"It's Taehyun. We're here and you've fallen asleep." Soobin opened his eyes, shifting quickly and sitting down. He couldn't help the giggles again, softening the other boy's hair again, getting a little closer to do so. Soobin stayed quiet, a small smile in his mouth. "There, all ready."

"Thanks, Tae, it's good to see you again." The other boy said, pulling him for a small hug. "I missed you."

"Missed you too. Did you have a good break?" 

Soobin shrugged. "It was okay. It's better now." There wasn't room for more conversation after that, as the others called them in for a game of UNO. He didn't bother much with it, excited for some action. 

The evening passed by after that, with them playing various games, telling various stories, and having some good food that Yeonjun had ordered - and paid for. 

"Now that's a boyfriend if I have ever seen one," Beomgyu commented, shoving his face with pizza. 

"I'll get broke with the boyfriend thing, so I better not make this a habit." Yeonjun smiled, pulling Kai for a cheek kiss. "Maybe you should get one to pay for your shit."

"No boys on my radar for the next five years." Beomgyu dramatized. "Not after that bastard."

"Hey, you shouldn't let past relationships define your future though…" Soobin suggested shyly. 

Beomgyu laughed. "I know of course. But seriously, it's no worth it. I'll focus on finishing this stupid major and then we will see."

"Don't mind Soobin, he's a romantic…" Yeonjun sang, teasing his friend. The boy blushed with the comment. 

"There's nothing bad with believing in love." Soobin stood his ground nonetheless, playing with the hem of his shirt. 

"Sure, but you gotta question yourself if it exists." Taehyun couldn't control his comment, his thoughts swimming right off his mouth. 

A laugh escaped Yeonjun's mouth, looking amused at Kai. "Is he for real?" 

"Taehyun doesn't believe in _love_." Beomgyu mocked him, emphasizing the last word. "It's no worth arguing with him about it since he's convinced he's always right."

"It's not even an argument if I'm trying to start a conversation, simply as that." 

"Why are you so adamant to not believe in it?" Soobin spoke more determinedly. He was sitting right in front of Taehyun, both crossed-legged on the floor, and the tension at the moment was felt. "Are you one of those people who just has to justify everything by using rationality?"

Taehyun wrinkled an eyebrow. He's had his fair share of conversations with Soobin where they disagreed on topics and knew the other could become very fierce in his debates. But there was something personal in the way he pronounced the last words, almost hurt. 

"I didn't say that. I'm just saying I have no point in wanting to be in a relationship or feel those things that so many people relate to. Doesn't sound pleasing to me." He argued back, always ready to have the last word. Soobin, however, didn't have an opportunity to strike back.

"His heart is made of stone." Kai joked, clearly sensing the tension right now between the other two. The conversation shifted after that, the game discarded long ago. 

Taehyun excused himself to the bathroom for a bit, and as he washed his face he finally felt it, he realized this was the first time he let it sink on how much he and Soobin were completely different. 

It was impressive on they never reached this level of tension before. He thought back to a lesson on particle physics, how for every particle there's an antiparticle, how he usually used that analogy to justify his lack of belief in relationships. What he didn't connect until now, was how much the other boy also fell in that category. 

A knock in the door interrupted his thoughts. "Tae?"

_Soobin._

"I'm coming! Was just washing my face." He said, taking one last look in the mirror before opening the door. Soobin was practically blocking the door with his frame, so much he had to look up at the other boy. "What?"

Soobin gulped. "Just it's almost midnight, didn't think you would want to miss the countdown."

"Yeah, let's go." He answered, trying to convey a smile, even with the turmoil going on in his brain. And if he didn't know better, he would say there was a similar war in Soobin's brain.


	2. Chapter 2

"I have to talk with you." Was the first thing he heard from Yeonjun, days after New Year's, as he stood in front of his classroom. Taehyun didn't seem to understand the tone in the other's voice, feeling promptly defensive. "Go ahead."

"Taehyun, cut the bullshit okay? Whatever game you think you're playing, it's honestly not funny." Yeonjun said back, solidifying the fact that his gut feeling was right.

"Why are you talking with me like this?"

Yeonjun ran a hand through his hair, exasperated. "Why are you leading Soobin on? Is this a game to you?" To say he got taken aback by the statement was undermining it. He didn't even have time to reach before the other continued. "He's my best friend, I don't want to see him hurt."

"Look, I have no idea what you're even on about right now. Me and him are friends!" He finally answered, feeling anger boil inside. 

"Seriously?" Yeonjun asked. "Do you act like that with your friends?"

"Like what?" He felt his voice raise involuntarily.

"All lovey-dovey! If you and him are just friends, then stop treating him like more and give him false hopes." 

"You're insane right now." Taehyun tried to finish the conversation, feeling his heartbeat speed up. "Can I leave this third-degree or what?" 

Yeonjun still looked angry, but he took a step back and Taehyun quickly ran off there, the information that was dropped on him too much for him to handle in public. He had an extra credit class next, but he wasn't in the right state of mind to comply and move there. His feet seemed to have a force of his own, as he walked back to the dorm. He slammed on the door and threw his backpack on the ground before sitting in his bed. 

"What is even going on…" He found himself saying out loud. He never even considered that possibility, no matter how much his friends teased him about it, at the end of the day he imagined it was just them defying him as usual. But to have someone like Yeonjun imply it changed everything. 

Time seemed to slip by the time the other two arrived at the dorm, their laughs ceasing as soon as they noticed their roommate laid in bed, practically swallowed by a blanket and cuddling one of Kai's plushies. 

"Tyun?" Kai asks, looking around for answers. "I thought you had class until 6?"

Taehyun doesn't answer. He feels his brain's wires completely fried, Yeonjun's words looping in his head.  _ Why are you leading Soobin on? Is this a game to you? _ How could he be playing a game when he wasn't even aware of being a player?

"Tyun… Are you sick?" Beomgyu asked, sitting in the bed and checking Taehyun's temperature with his hand. "You don't have a fever." 

He couldn't find the strength to answer, but he did move slightly so his head would be resting in Beomgyu's lap. Both boys found the display of affection unlike the boy, worry now showed in their faces. "I skipped the extra credit class." He confessed after the silence became unbearable for him. 

"Why?" Kai asked. 

"Because I'm a terrible person who hurts everyone around me."

The two boys traded a look immediately. "Tyun...What are you saying?" Beomgyu asks the crease in his eyebrow showcasing his confused state. 

"Your boyfriend sent me an ultimatum today." Taehyun laughed sarcastically. He got up quickly, immediately feeling dizzy over it. "He says I should stop leading Soobin on and giving him false hopes."

" _ Oh _ ." Kai simply added, the uncomfortable silence took over again. Beomgyu shifted tensely in his spot, clearly something in the tip of his tongue ready to come out. 

He got up from the bed and looked at himself in the mirror, his face swollen and hair uncombed. "You can say it too. It's good enough that he accused me of being a terrible person today, why not also hear it from my friends!" 

Bwomgyu shifted nervously in his spot. "Well aren't you? You telling me you don't feel a single thing for Soobin?"

"Feel what?" He asked, his tone louder than intended. "He's my friend! What am I supposed to feel for him?" 

"Attraction? Just something… special? Different?" 

Taehyun turned to look at his friend again. He didn't understand the question, and in his brain, it's always been hard to differentiate when something meant more. He spent his whole life hearing this from people he knows, that when you like someone they make you feel different, the feeling is distinct. But never in that time, they managed to convey to him what it expressed, how it felt unusual. "How am I supposed to know that?"

"You just…" Kai started, biting his cheek. "You just know."

"That's not a good enough answer for me." He finished, pacing around the room again. "I don't know how to differentiate that."

"We want to help you, but you have to be the one making that call." Beomgyu finished. 

☆☆☆  


"They're fighting," Kai says, a particular Monday evening a week after. He was having lunch in the cafeteria, trying to digest the food that usually tasted well but today it's like he had a lump in his throat. "Soobin and Yeonjun."

Hearing Soobin's name sent a shiver down his body. He would never admit it but he missed that boy so much. "They are?" He tried to finish, nonchalantly.

"Someone told Soobin that Yeonjun talked with you. About… that you know."

Taehyun nodded before realizing that the other was implying he must’ve talked to the other boy about it. He wished that was the truth, but in fact, he hadn't spoken a word to his friend in a week, after the incident. "I haven't even spoken with him yet. He's ignoring me." 

"I'm sure he isn't." Kai tried to comfort him but it was meaningless, knowing what the gesture meant. 

"None of us are idiots Kai. Something changed, we all know." 

"Aren't you going to speak with him?" His friend asked, stealing some food from Taehyun's plate.

Taehyun shook his head. "I've got a clear warning that I'm not good for him. If he wants, he can speak with me."

And so he waited. 

For about two weeks he waited for Soobin to reach out to him, but he didn't. He couldn't stop thinking about how childish this whole thing was, seeming back in highschool with drama. In the library the schedules had changed, noticing that Soobin changed all his shifts so they wouldn't match Taehyun's. The class was unbearable, not seeing the other for two weeks. He imagined he was taking the other shift on Wednesdays. He sighed. Every day it was a little bit harder to get up in the morning, the overthinking feelings he was used to, amplified with the idea of not knowing what he did wrong. 

But he waited. For Soobin he decided it should be better to wait.

☆☆☆

In the end, he didn't have to wait long. 

A few days after the conversation with Kai, he was walking down the halls in the Social Studies building, headphones on when he felt a hand in his wrist. Turning around was even more of a shock when he noticed a distressed Soobin standing right by him. He removed his headphones quickly. "Soobin." He breathed out. 

Soobin tried to smile, he noticed, but it was something so worn out. "Taehyun. Can we talk?"

He merely nodded, following the other boy to an empty classroom he knows was always open at this time. Nervousness was pooling in his stomach, as he watched the other boy exhibit a behavior he wasn't used to having around him. "You okay?" He decided to ask, breaking the silence. 

"Hm?" He asked, clearly distracted. "Oh, yeah... It's been a couple of hard weeks." 

Taehyun nodded. "What do you want to talk about?" 

"Look…" The other breathed deeply, turning around to stare at him. "I should get to the point right away, you probably know why I haven't talked with you in weeks."

"No, I don't."

Soobin gulped. "First I want to say that Yeonjun shouldn't have done that." He nodded. At least in that part, they agree. "It wasn't really on my accord, and it took me off guard."

"As you can imagine, it took me off guard as well."

"Taehyun…" He breathed in, his face twisted with nervousness. "That night, during new year… I mean I should've known you were never interested in relationships but that was the first time I noticed you were serious about it."

"We never talked about it."

"You know I like you right?" Soobin speedily added. "If you didn't know before, you must've figured out when Yeonjun talked with you."

And he knew. During these weeks he had time to at least piece some things together and understand that the other boy had feelings for him. He also understood how everyone around him was waiting for him to spill out an answer about the matter. An answer he wasn't ready to give."Soobin…"

"This might've been my fault for understanding and reading things wrong, a lack of communication between the two of us but… I have to know if I read things wrong or not."

He felt his heart speed up. "Soobin…"

"Just answer me Taehyun." He continued, feeling a little bit more exasperated now. "I don't want to be wasting my time."

"I don't think anything we did was a waste of time." Taehyun felt his throat close and his voice caught up. "I just never realized it was anything like that, I'm not good at catching these clues."

"Okay, I get that," Soobin said. "Then let me make this crystal clear for you. I like you. What about you?" 

Taehyun gulped. He wanted to answer, wanted to be the most sincere he could but right now, he couldn't do it. He didn't have a concrete one. "I don't know, I can't give you that answer now."

"I'm sorry but I'm not willing to wait for it." 

"Soobin…"

"It's okay, I'll move on." Soobin laughed, stern and not sincere laugh. It pierced right through Taehyun. "Let's just forget about this."

"Will we still be friends?" Taehyun asked, feeling breathless as he watched the other boy pick his bag and walk towards the door. He stopped him, holding his wrist and pleading for him, almost.

Soobin looked pained like this was the hardest question for him to answer, like a test he didn't study for. "Taehyun, I don't think I can."

That was it. The final knife piercing through his body. "You can't?" 

"I'm sorry, I can't." He finished sternly. "Goodbye Tae." And he let go of his wrist, opening the door and looking behind one more time before the door closed on Taehyun, and he felt his heart drop. 

☆☆☆

"How long are you going to keep this up?" Beomgyu wondered, after another late night shift he had at the library. Lately, he decided it was a good idea to change those, so he could avoid Soobin even more than usual. 

"What are you talking about? It's a shift like any other." He tried to justify, cleaning his side of the bed before sitting down. 

Kai, who seemed to be in a deep slumber, shuffled a bit, noticing his presence. "Tyun?"

"Go back to sleep." He whispered, combing Kai's hair with his hands. 

The other didn't close his eyes, sitting up straight and looking straight at him. "You're not okay."

He laughed, trying to dissolve the tension. Truthfully the stress of school and having to change his routine the past couple of weeks has caught up to him, but he would never let his friends take the burden for him. 

Beomgyu looked equally worried, the blanket in his shoulders transported from him to Taehyun, who was just cleaning the table. The boy engulfed him in the warmth, leading him to the bed. "You're not okay Tyun, and we have to talk about it."

"Why? The more I talk about it the worse it makes me feel, so might as well just let it wash over."

The others didn't pressure him to continue, going back to their nightly routines. He got ready for bed quickly, the situation he's been trying to avoid soon going back to the confines in his brain as he remembered how dearly he missed the other, his smiles when Taehyun started babbling and the way he always listened to said babbling, the way he brought him coffee when he so desperately needed without asking, all the hangouts, the conversations, the study times. 

Letting emotions wash over was something he had mastered all these years. Letting his parents argue was over him and not worry about it was one of the first moments he remembered trying to consume him. Some more after the kid making fun of him over his thinking habits, the middle school boy who tried to out him, his dad second failed marriage…

So why was it so hard to let this one person wash over too?

"I miss him." He voiced, not controlling the words coming out. The two boys listened to it, as they always did. "I miss him so much. Why can't I let this go away?" 

"It's only been two weeks, no one is asking you to move on so fast." Logically Kai was right but given his record of not letting things destroy him, what was about this that differentiated so much from the other situations?

"Because you are attached to him," Beomgyu answered. He didn't realize he had said that out loud.

"I'm so tired of this. It didn't even have to go this way if… he had talked to me! If he let me think about this!" He could feel himself getting angry at the situation, even if he didn't deserve that emotion at the moment. "It's just… I know he's hurt. But he wanted me to give him an answer for a topic I have never thought about."

"Did he ask you if you liked him?" One of them asked, knowing it was to continue his rant. He was so focused on these bottled thoughts and feelings he didn't even notice which one of them spoke. 

"Yeah, he did." He sighed. "I just… I think so much about things, maybe if I had been approached in another way, maybe if I had time to think about it I would've given him a different answer."

Beomgyu plopped next to him, giving him a tight hug, a gesture that touched him just in the right place of his heart. "I hate seeing you like this Tyun. It pains me." 

"I'm so confused, I am. You know I hate not being sure of things." His voice lowering now, the embrace once again calming him down. 

Kai smiled from his bed, now sitting down with his hair all disheveled and cheeks pink from being covered with the warm blanket. "But we are here for you okay?"

"Yeah!" Beomgyu confirmed. "The three of us, we always stick together. Remember the kid who was bullying Kai in high school and you humiliated him in class?"

Laugher found itself escaping his mouth for the first time that night. That week probably. "The teacher had to stop me, saying I was being too harsh." 

"Oh my god, what about that girl Sari who was using Beomgyu to get back to her ex-boyfriend? Remember her?" Kai asked enthusiastically.

"You tried to prank her and stuffed her lock with love notes from the supposed ex. It was so funny seeing her freak out." Beomgyu added. 

Kai smiled. "What wasn't fun was the weeks of detention I got for that!" 

"I wonder what she's doing these days." Taehyun thought out loud, the others shrugged. 

"We have so many crazy high school stories and we weren't even close to being popular." 

Taehyun stirred in his spot, laying his head on Beomgyu's shoulder. "I beg to disagree, you were quite the popular guy." 

"So were you, mister!" He argued back. "The point is, we have each other. Always."

_ At least he still had that.  _

  
  


☆☆☆

A few days later, he was doing better. Emotionally at least. Thoughts still swam in the ocean of doubts and angriness in his brain, but they seemed contained better, no longer preserved in a don't touch box but this time having his time collecting them. 

Here's a couple of things he knew:

  * He missed Soobin. 



There was no point in denying it anymore. The anger he had been feeling was all related to the fact that he missed him as a friend, yearned for their time together. 

  * He had to move on. 



No signs of the other in his path anymore it seemed. Either if he was purposely avoiding him or if their schedules only matched before because they wanted, one thing he was sure of: Soobin was moving on. And probably it meant not seeing each other for a while. 

He hated it. Hated that he couldn't even catch glimpses of him anymore. 

  * Moving on implied getting normal schedules at the library again. 



Changing his shifts to avoid the other was only deteriorating his health. Working nights had taken a toll on his sleep schedule and consequently in school affairs. He couldn't do that to himself.

  * Distancing from the other implied distancing from all the places he loved. 



This one brought him much sadness. The coffee shop, the math bar he has learned to love, the hidden corner in the library… It was especially hard to avoid the other boy when your best friend is dating his best friend. 

Which directly led to the situation he accidentally witnessed after his classes, when he reached the dorm. He noticed the door was slightly open, but before he could push the doorknob and open it fully, he listened to some voices from inside. 

"It's been a couple of hard weeks for him, I just had to be there," Yeonjun said. He shivered.  _ He was talking about Soobin.  _

"I know and it's fine. I've been trying to help Taehyun too, he's doing better." He felt his heart warm at Kai's words, glad the other boy cared so dearly about him. 

"I don't know what he had to recover from, he was the one at fault in here."

Kai snickered. "You don't know his side Yeonjun."

"Looking at the way my friend has been hurting, I don't need to."

"You know all of this could've been avoided if you didn't meddle into something that wasn't yours to meddle." Taehyun felt invasive listening to this conversation but considering the topic was him, the guilt quickly disappeared. although listening to Kai speak that way only to defend him was freaking him out. 

From Yeonjun's tone, he thought the same. "I'm sorry for sticking out for a friend."

"Well, Taehyun is my friend. And I know his side of the story better than you do. So I don't appreciate how you're treating this situation." Kai finished, the calmness in his voice scaring Taehyun even more. 

"Are we seriously fighting because of this?" Yeonjun asked. 

"You’ll defend your friend. I defend mine….Maybe we should talk later when you're calmer." Kai finished, the voices getting louder as they approached the door. Taehyun was frozen in his spot, next to the wall to his dorm, heart threatening to break out his ribcage.

"Fine," Yeonjun said, opening the door quickly and locking eyes with Taehyun for a second too long before walking away.

He immediately stepped into the dorm, catching Kai sat in his bed, expression sad but determined. "I'm sorry Kai."

The boy shrugged. "You don't have to be sorry for anything Tyun. I think it's enough time you stop apologizing for things you shouldn't have to." 

"I don't want you to fight with your boyfriend because of me." He admitted the organized thoughts in his brain all sprawled, disordered, scary. 

"Hey what did we say a few days ago? We got each other. Always. Nobody should ever come in between us." 

He smiled. "I still don't want you to sacrifice your happiness in favor of mine."

At that, the other simply laughed. "We'll be okay Tyun. And you are my best friend and you make me happy, so I am not sacrificing anything."

He just leaped for a hug. There was nothing that the two of them needed more at that time than that contact. 

☆☆☆

Beomgyu plopped himself onto the blanket he’d spread out on the ground, gesturing for his friends to do the same. It was a lethargic afternoon, free of classes and assignments for all of them. It’s been a long time since they’ve arranged to hang with each other so effortlessly, without the heavy atmosphere interfering with their condition. Kai sighed as he sat down, Taehyun ending up next to him.

It was a warm day, the sky clear and the sun shining brightly, shedding light onto everything it could reach. It was a  _ beautiful  _ day and Taehyun felt a little regretful as he looked around, seeing couples and groups of friends walk through the university garden, smiling and laughing. Lately, he began to pay more attention to the people encompassing them, always the observant one, but this time amplified by the blend of thoughts swimming in his head.

There was a social media post he recalled distantly, about how love can be found in small things, like the sunlight or fresh air or flowers blooming. He’d never really believed it and even now he didn’t find any love around him, just regret and an overwhelming flood of thoughts.

_ Soobin _ .

He hadn’t been able to stop thinking of the boy because everything seemed to scream his name and Taehyun hated it. A type of feeling he had never been able to control and swore to himself he would never find diving into.

Beomgyu tore open a pack of cookies, grabbing one of the sweet treats and eating it immediately.“Starting with dessert?” Kai commented. The older boy shrugged.

“What about it?”

Kai pressed his lips together and eyed some of the store-bought sushi rolls next to him. Then he grabbed his phone, checking it for a second, eyes turning sad. He put it back down, the display facing the floor.“What’s wrong?” Taehyun asked, desperate to get his thoughts somewhere else.

Kai frowned. “I don’t know, just… things have been weird.”

“What things?” Beomgyu asked, taking another bite of his cookie.

“Between me and Yeonjun we… I mean we talk. He sends me good morning messages and… yeah, just- there’s this weird atmosphere. We haven’t spent time together either. All because of that stupid fight…” Kai’s voice got lower and cracked a little during his last sentence and he finally reached for the sushi, eating a roll in one bite.

Taehyun’s heart stung and he carefully placed his hand on his friend’s shoulder. “I’m sorry… I never wanted that to happen to you two.”

Kai looked at him and shook his head. “No, no… you aren’t at fault. It’s  _ his _ fault for inserting himself into situations that have nothing to do with him. He had no right to speak to you the way he did. And he has no right taking Soobin’s side either! You’re not in the wrong here! If they can’t respect your boundaries, that’s on them.”

Beomgyu reached for the other boys’ hands, smiling warmly in the way that only he knew how to. “Hey… we’re not here to be upset about Yeonjun.”

“I just… I’m so mad at him! But I miss him.” Kai muttered, visibly down over the situation. Beomgyu smiled.

“You’ll figure it out, okay?”

“Soobin went on a date.” Taehyun blurted out, exerting the moment to finally release the thought that had been tormenting his head.

The other two looked at him with big eyes, expressions confused.  _ Oh damn it, Taehyun _ , he scolded himself.“What?”

“Some of my classmates were talking about it. Some guy from his major… I think.” Taehyun said, trying to sound casual.

Beomgyu squeezed his fingers, trading a look with Kai that screamed  _ he isn’t being casual about this at all _ . “How does that make you feel, Hyunnie?”

“I mean… I don’t know.” Taehyun said. “It’s not my place to police him.”

Kai frowned, scooting closer. “Why’d he go on a date with someone out of the blue this shortly after what happened?”

“He told me he’ll try to move on,” Taehyun admitted, not wanting to rewind the conversation in his head.

“Yeah but… this quickly? Just doesn’t seem like him.”

Beomgyu ate some sushi, humming in thought. “I mean, it’s probably better than sitting around and sulking all day. Taehyun, you made it pretty clear you didn’t want anything romantic with him, right?”

“Yes…” Taehyun felt something sink in his gut.

“Be honest,” Kai said sternly. “Is there a chance you  _ do _ like him?”

Taehyun frowned, groaning. That question had given him enough headaches for a lifetime. He didn’t even know what it  _ meant _ to like someone. “Well, even if I do, it’s too late now.”

His friends sighed in sync, hugging him from the sides.“Tyun, if you feel like there’s something then you should let him know. He deserves to be aware of that, doesn’t he?” Beomgyu told him softly. “It’s never too late for anything.”

“I don’t know… I don’t want this to- I can’t hurt him again.”

Kai poked his arm. “I think you’re more afraid of hurting yourself! You know, not every love story ends like-”

“Quit it! He went out with someone else. There’s no use in telling him.”

Beomgyu rolled his eyes. “Let’s say he’s moved on: then what will it change about the current situation if you tell him? Nothing! So what’s stopping you?”

“I’ll think about it…” Taehyun responded, grabbing some sushi and swallowing it way too quickly.

☆☆☆

Twisting in bed seemed to be a hobby for him these days, not being able to catch an ounce of sleep or at least for a prolonged time. The conversation with Beomgyu spiraling in his mind. 

_ What's stopping you?  _

It was hard for him to answer the question because his whole life he had rationalized every single movement, perpetually a clear black or white answer. But with this topic, it seemed like the colors had mixed and the situation turned grey. He didn't know how to work around this circumstance. 

One thing he was sure of. There hasn't been a day since he stopped talking with Soobin that the other hasn't been on his mind. Sometimes it was an obvious thought, purposely thinking about the other. Other times he just popped in his brain, when he was ordering a piece of cheesecake and reminded himself of Soobin's sweet obsession, looking at the cats in the dorm and daydreaming about the older feeding them. 

It was a mess of thoughts in his brain, in a way he hadn't had in years, and they all appeared to culminate in one person.

_ Him.  _

When he was in high school, he was fascinated with the idea of emotions and human emotions, the way the species connected so easily, a bunch of chemicals working your way through your body to form links. He used his thoughts at the time to explain why he felt so connected to Beomgyu and Kai. The two, after a good thirty minutes making fun of him, said something that stuck with him all these years. 

" _ Not everything needs an explanation. Sometimes people, like us, they just fit together. _ " Beomgyu said, in one of the few serious moments he allowed himself to have. " _ Think of it like puzzle pieces. They're crafted to fit only a certain pattern right? People work like that too. _ "

" _ That doesn't make sense. _ "

" _ Puzzles are logical aren't they? _ " Kai finished. " _ It's the same thing here. I think we can spend our whole life puzzled to a piece that we think fits, and only after realizing it wasn't the perfect match. We were lucky we found our pieces so early. _ "

After all, puzzle pieces are meant to be pieced together, a puzzle must be finished. Standing by in the way he was right now, it wasn't going to solve anything. 

So, on that faithful Saturday, he finally got the courage to do something he should've done eons ago. He got off the bed, dressed in his favorite warm sweater, and stormed out of his room, a very specific end in mind. Knocking once, twice, almost went a third time before the door in front of him opened and a figure looked surprised to see him. "Taehyun?"

After weeks without hearing that voice, it was like a whiplash that hit him. A shocked but still sweet tone. "Soobin." He breathed out, not being able to control the emotion in his voice. 

"W-What are you doing here?" Soobin muttered, not on purpose considering how amazed he looked.

"I can't do this anymore." Taehyun babbled. "I can't be away from you anymore, wherever I am, I think about you. The most mundane places too; at work, when I'm alone when I'm with people. You're constantly in my brain and I can't ignore that, I can't keep ignoring it."

Soobin didn't answer, the hold he had on the doorknob tightening as he noticed the white in his hands. He decided to continue. "I know you said you didn't want to be friends anymore, that you wanted an answer right away. But I couldn't… I wasn't ready to give it to you. So please let me give it now, allow me to at least explain. I know you are moving on, know you went on that date but if you don't let me explain I think I'll descend into insanity."

"Okay," Soobin said. "You can explain. Come on in." He left space for the other boy to enter, both of them not being able to leave the door area yet. It didn't matter for him anyway, he just wanted to let things off his system. 

"I'm not trying to justify myself but… my parents are divorced." He was used to pronouncing those words more than he liked to admit. "They got divorced when I was eight and all my life I heard them, either involuntarily or not, guilt me into being the reason why they fell off love." Soobin gulped with those words, urging him to go on. "When I was old enough to understand things, I swore to myself I would never end up in their situation. Maybe closing myself wasn't a great decision, but as you can imagine I never even knew what love felt like, what liking someone like that was." 

"When I met you, I couldn't differentiate what we had or what we didn't have, what made it different. I thought it was a normal friendship and I'm so sorry I hurt you by leading you on." 

"Tae…"

"Just let me finish." He pleaded, feeling his heart almost jump off his ribcage. "I realized too late I wasn't leading you on, I can't do that to someone I also like right?" He cried out. "You… made me feel good. I don't know what it was but I wanted to be with you all the time. Like this subtle descent where I didn't think about it; I realized you're so ingrained in my life I couldn't live without you. I never made any romantic effort to be with you, but at some point, I guess it stopped being  _ I enjoy being in your company _ and became  _ I want to be with you _ ."

"I'm not going on dates." Soobin interrupted him, taking a step forward and extending his hand for Taehyun to hold. And he did. "I went to lunch with the boy because he invited me but I cut it off before he could think it was something else."

"Why?"

"Because I also can't stop thinking about you." Soobin giggled, the thick air of awkwardness around them dissipating to something lighter, familiar. "I realized that… It was unfair of me to ask something from you you weren't willing to give. And also expect you to catch clues if I wasn't clear about them. I should've made it clear from the beginning I was interested like that, I just never dared to bring it up. And God did I craft scenarios in my head where I wanted to ask you out and never could."

"It's okay, you don't have to apologize. I hurt you."

"Yes but I think I did too, and I never wanted to hurt any of us." Soobin finished, massaging Taehyun's hand with his fingers, smiling but not being able to hold eye contact. So when he turned his head to stare at him, the exposure was too much. "I accept your apology, so please accept mine."

"I do." Taehyun felt relieved. "Does this mean we can go back to being together?"

"If I ask you what I did all those weeks ago, will you give me a different answer?" Taehyun looked nervous at the choice of words but urged him to go on. "I like you. What about you?"

Taehyun breathed in before pronouncing the words he tried so hard to rationalize the past couple of weeks. "I like you too." Soobin giggled at that. "I'm sorry I can't be what you want."

Soobin frowned at that. "What do you think I want?" 

"Someone romantic, someone who knows what they're doing. I have no idea what I'm doing for the first time in my life."

"I don't want a fairytale Taehyun."

"Then what do you want?"

"I want you." Soobin finished, before letting one arm hold Taehyun's waist and the other cup his cheek. An unspoken agreement seemed to happen in the seconds before the kiss, seconds that felt like hours. He nodded slowly, muttering  _ you can kiss me _ . Soon that's exactly what they were doing, Soobin's lips feeling so perfect against his, a perfect puzzle piece. It was awkward, Taehyun cursed his inexperience for probably ruining it but it didn't seem to stop the other, as he went forward for another kiss, just a slight move of lips against each other but somehow something Taehyun has been waiting for. Something he didn't know he craved. 

When they separated, his brain seemed to have lost every bit of self-control, because the first thing he said was. "Has anyone ever told you your lips are shaped like a heart?" Soobin laughed loudly, resting his head on Taehyun's shoulder, their height difference accentuated. "No seriously, that's so pretty!"

"No, no one has told me that before," Soobin mumbled in his shoulder, dangerously close to his ear. 

"Did I say something wrong?"

The other rushed to answer. "No! I'm just... flustered."

Both laughed. "We're okay?" Taehyun couldn't help but ask. 

Soobin separated the hug, looking right at his eyes and leaning in for a forehead kiss. "We're okay. Do you want to eat something? I was going to have lunch before you interrupted me."

As if on cue, his stomach grumbled. "I could eat something." 

  
  
  
  


And just like that, nothing seemed to have changed in the weeks they haven't talked with each other. Maybe the most noteworthy change was the silent acceptance that there was something else in the air around them, more than they had before. As he helped the boy cook their lunch, he felt the way Soobin was more comfortable around him, touching him, not getting embarrassed at being caught staring - the third time at least.

The most awkward part didn't even come from their moments together, but when Yeonjun burst through the door and locked eyes with Taehyun. "Hi?" Yeonjun offered a worried stare directed to Soobin. 

"It's okay Junnie, me and Tae were cooking lunch and got distracted."

Yeonjun took his jacket off. "Did I miss something?" 

"We're okay," Soobin said, passing behind Taehyun and holding his waist lightly, somehow in a comforting manner even with the other's eyes on them. "None of us were talking with each other like we should've. Also, I still think you owe Taehyun an apology."

Yeonjun took another second to drink on the situation before his shoulders relaxed and he sighed. "I'm sorry Taehyun. I shouldn't have started this all."

Taehyun nodded. "I hope you're not mad at Kai. The last thing I want is to get in between the two of you."

"We're fine… He was right, it wasn't my place to mess with something that had to do nothing with me." Yeonjun said. "That boy worries about you." 

"He also really likes you. Go talk with him." 

Yeonjun wrinkled an eyebrow as Soobin approached him with his jacket. "Now?"

"He's been beaten up that you guys are fighting." Taehyun tried to fix it. "He's at the library." The pink-haired boy seemed to reflect quickly on the situation, grabbing his jacket and exchanging some sort of telepathic conversation with Soobin before running through the door. 

"They'll be okay," Soobin said, getting closer to him again. Taehyun smiled, and couldn't resist getting on his tiptoes to kiss Soobin's cheek. 

"I know." He replied, enjoying the way the other seemed paralyzed on his spot, cheeks tinted red and a hand right where he kissed him. 

And so would they.

☆☆☆

Spring was Soobin's favorite season, he found out a few weeks after. He thought it was on brand perfectly for him. These times they spent together were a healing journey for both of them. Ever since their fall out, even though things were falling together peacefully, inevitably some awkwardness arose. But both of them worked themselves through that, letting go finally of the walls that were impeding them.

Nothing had been confirmed between them but Taehyun guessed they were letting things flow naturally instead of forcing it, which he appreciated. He stood in the front of Soobin's class, watching the flow of students get off and waiting for the boy to leave. He knew he was always the last one to exit, a cute habit he had caught on. 

The surprise in Soobin's face when he spotted him outside his classroom lit up the whole corridor. "Hey!" He said, getting down to hug Taehyun tightly. "What are you doing here?"

"Picking you up." He said simply. "Was that okay?"

He spotted the red tint in the taller's cheeks. "Of course. Should we have lunch?" 

"Lunch?" Taehyun frowned, leading the other through the busy corridors. "I already ate."

For the other's credit, Soobin didn't seem mad, just a lot more amused. "Then you picked me up for something in specific?"

"I know people do that in movies and shit. I just wanted to see you I guess." Soobin giggled, getting down to kiss Taehyun's cheek. He's been doing that a lot, since the kiss they shared weeks ago, they haven't gotten to a similar level yet. Which frustrated Taehyun a little bit, Beomgyu even teased him about it. 

" _ It's like you tasted the forbidden fruit and now you just want more." _

" _ You're disgusting. _ " Kai laughed, throwing popcorn at them while they had the convo during movie night. 

"You're cute," Soobin stated. "Let's just get some lunch for me and then hang out?"

"My dorm?" 

"The dorm you share with three other people?" Soobin jokes, linking their hands as they walked through campus. Thankfully the other felt comfortable enough for those displays, which he appreciated. Taehyun mumbled a  _ don’t make fun of me _ before guiding them to get the tallboy some food before their time together. He remembered Beomgyu and Kai trying to sit him down a few days ago. 

" _ Okay, let's have a conversation Tyun."  _ Beomgyu pushed him to the bed. " _ You need boyfriend lessons. _ "

" _ No thank you! _ " He immediately tried to run away from the conversation, the others beaming at his panic. 

" _ You're staying sir. This whole mess started in the first place because you don't know how to be a boyfriend." _

Taehyun rolled his eyes, trying not to make fun of his friends for their own messed-up love life. " _ What could you two idiots teach me? Didn't you renounce all love?"  _ He pointed at Beomgyu. " _ And didn't you stress out over the fact that you don't know how to approach things to your boyfriend?"  _ Finished up by targeting Kai. 

The other boys didn't seem affected by the situation, just grinning. " _ And you're still worse than both of us. _ " Despite the initial annoyance, they came out with a list of gestures Taehyun had to know and use when trying to charm Soobin. He joked that he wouldn't take any of it seriously, but now remembering the list, maybe he would apply some of the concepts. 

The first one he remembered very well, as Soobin ordered his food and reached for his wallet. He stopped the boy, taking the money off his own and paying for his food. " _ Always pay for the food! _ " Beomgyu had told him, writing down on bullet one. " _ You care about him, what better way to show it? _ "

"You didn't need to do that," Soobin replied, but his cheeks were tinted red, a pretty shade that decorated his cheeks. He mumbled a simple  _ I wanted it _ , before guiding them to the dorm again, opening the door to make sure no other boys were going to interrupt his time alone. 

Soobin, as usual, had his time looking around. He was sure they never spent more than five minutes in his messy living situation, but the other had taken its time to evaluate the space. He felt watched, like the other reading his room somehow transported to reading him as well. He was convinced a room you habited generally revealed a lot about your persona. 

"Maybe we can watch movies? Or play games..? I didn't realize how lame that idea was until I said it out loud." Taehyun cursed himself, for trying so hard and yet failing miserably. 

Soobin just laughed, sitting down on Taehyun's bed and patting the spot next to him, like the place was his already, much more comfortable around. "Anytime with you, it's fine, as far as I'm concerned I could spend a whole day just looking at you."

"Creep." Taehyun made fun of him, the other smiling at the joke. "Then let me show you my Pokémon team."

"Nerd." Soobin amused him, but shoved himself towards the wall in the bed, getting comfortable before bringing the other alongside with him. They set close to each other, as close as it allowed them, Taehyun finding a position slotted between the other arms, his console in hand, the warmth of the other spreading through his whole body. 

They spent a few minutes engulfed in their space, Taehyun carefully showing his game without risking going into full nerd mode, despite his concerns, he knew the other boy would probably listen to everything and even ask questions. That was how  _ great Soobin was.  _

"Why is there a  _ how-to-be a good boyfriend  _ list by Beomgyu and Kai on your pillow?" Soobin asked, adjusting his arm to grab the piece of paper. Taehyun panicked, throwing the console someplace he couldn't be bothered at the moment and trying to crawl to steal the piece of  _ embarrassment  _ he forgot he had stored in his room. 

The other boy sounded amused at his reaction, taking advantage of the height he had over Taehyun to not let him reach the paper. "Why are you so adamant about not seeing it?" Soobin laughed as Taehyun still tried to wrestle him for the object. He seemed to have gotten into a realization fast, holding Taehyun's wrist mid-air. "Is it about me?" 

He felt his cheeks heat up immediately. "It's stupid…"

"So it is about me." Soobin smiled, taking the opportunity of the other not fighting him to read the piece he held. "Number one:  _ Be sure to reassure him you like him since you have difficulty remembering how to do that? _ "

Taehyun grumbled, feeling the shyness reach him. He hid his face in his hands before answering, voice muffled. "They're idiots, and they think I have a hard time expressing my feelings which granted it's true but…"

" _ Number two _ …" Soobin continued. " _ Get him special presents. _ '

"Can we stop now? Please?" Taehyun decided to peak in between his fingers only to witness Soobin with a dopey smile invading his features and cheeks tinted red. 

" _ Number five… _ " Soobin started but noticed something. "This is your handwriting on his one.  _ Don't be afraid of it. _ "

"It was a stupid idea."

Soobin didn't seem to agree with the statement, putting the paper down and shoving Taehyun into a tight hug. He didn't know how else to respond but to fall into the embrace, traveling with his hands on Soobin's back and appreciating the way the other smelled like lavender shampoo. "It's kind of endearing." He laughed. "But Taehyun… This is not a kind of expectation I have on you."

He separated their hug but left his hands holding Taehyun's shoulders, staring right into his eyes. "Yeah I am a hopeless romantic and I want all these things but I don't expect you to be forced to do them."

"I'm not!" He replied immediately. "I didn't throw the list away because… Because it made sense. It's things I want to do for you. You had to deal with all those weeks of me being an idiot and not admitting my emotions, I just want to redeem myself.

A giggle. "There's nothing to redeem for. You're fine just like you are, that's the Taehyun I fell for. Okay?"

He nodded. "Okay." A smile on both of their faces. "Can I ask something a bit stupid?"

"Always."

"Can I kiss you?" 

Soobin choked on air at the moment, his eyes widening. "That's not stupid at all."

"It's just we haven't done it ever since… and I thought maybe there was a reason why so I didn't but I haven't stopped thinking about it."

"I was giving you time, but… I mean yes."

"Yes?"

"You can kiss me." Soobin beamed and there was nothing more in the world that Taehyun could find himself doing rather than leaping forward and kissing the other straight on the lips. His mouth brushed Soobin's, soft at first,  _ so soft _ , so sweet, just the barest pressure of lips against lips. Soobin hummed in a breath like he has been waiting for the moment as much as the other had. 

Soobin tangled his fingers in Taehyun's hair, lips parting on a question. There was nothing the other wanted more, so he allowed him to deepen the kiss, feel a little more than he was allowed to a few weeks ago. 

And then Soobin pulled back with a breathless noise, breaking the kiss. A dimple flashed against his smooth cheek as he studied Taehyun's upturned face. "Did you learn something in the two weeks we haven't done this?"

Taehyun hit him lightly. "Good way to say I'm a bad kisser."

"Practise makes perfect!" Soobin added, digging into another kiss, slowly pushing Taehyun down. The other obliged, moving his lips gently at a rhythm Soobin had created for them. 

"You can't keep insulting my kissing methods and then go back for another one!" Taehyun teased, his hands holding Soobin by the neck, smiling so charmingly at the moment. 

The pressure of having another body pressed against his was enough to let his mind wander and not be consumed by any fears he might have had before. He learned Soobin was the type to laugh during kisses, sometimes making it messy, but at the core of it, making it even more  _ perfect.  _

"Nope! I'm closing my eyes, I don't want to see this!" They heard a voice interrupt their moment, Soobin quickly getting off and almost hitting his head on the edge of the bookcase in the process. Beomgyu had his dramatics going around, his hands covering his eyes. 

Taehyun just rolled his eyes, checking on Soobin, mumbling  _ you okay? _ to the other boy. "Don't be dramatic."

"Dramatic? You were profaning our sacred dorm!" Beomgyu yelled, the door still open. 

"Maybe I should leave," Soobin whispered, Taehyun feeling his lips involuntarily shape into a pout and a whine escaped his throat. 

"Please don't, I wanted to spend time with you." 

"We will see each other at work tomorrow, can we do something after?" Soobin suggested, clearly embarrassed of getting caught but a distinct smile on his features, a reassuring one that read  _ I'm not going anywhere. _

And Taehyun knew he wouldn't. "Pinky promise?"

A giggle from the other's lips, as he linked their pinkies and kissed Taehyun's temple. "Pinky promise." He said his goodbyes, too shy to even look at Beomgyu before closing the door behind as he left. 

"I hate you." Taehyun jerked at Beomgyu, the other amused expression taking over his previously (very fake) annoyed one. 

"It's like seeing a bird fly for the first time. I have to tell Kai."

"Don't you dare!" 

☆☆☆

Happiness was the feeling of the moment, it looked. Taehyun felt thankful for the past months and how events have unraveled in his life. School was stressful, that was a clear indication but not even that small topic could affect how he was feeling these days. Yes, he had been warned his major was stressful and hard to comply with but, right now, he couldn't even be bothered by failing his future dream. 

Not when Soobin was rambling cutely about something fascinating he learned in his Ancient Philosophy class. "And then we had a very nice argument about the theories and the evolution of thought, it was so interesting!" 

"I can see that. You're very excited over it." 

Soobin blushed. They had been cataloging some new books and the whole subject had been propped by a book they found on the topic. Taehyun was more than willing to oblige and listen to his boyfriend rant about something so passionately, it was his favorite hobby as of right now. "I'm sorry, I got so carried away." The tall boy shyly replied. 

"Hey, nonsense. Did you guys talk about Plato?" 

"Don't even get me started!" But that's all he wanted, so he allowed the other boy to continue his rant, paying attention partly to it, but also contemplating how lucky he got to get to this point. 

The shift went by with the speed of their convo. He was glad they could have the same schedules again, work was the most pleasing when they were together. By the time they left, it was still mid-afternoon and the sun still shines in the sky, perks of spring-blooming in right in front of their eyes. 

"I'm starving, should we go eat something at the cafeteria?" Taehyun suggested, adjusting his backpack and linking hands with Soobin. The boy, as usual when they displayed any sort of physical contact, just nodded. 

"Sure, but you have to stop buying me food!" 

Taehyun nudged him lightly. "That's my love language."

The boy giggled, speeding up to the establishment. "Not fair. When do I get to show my love language?"

"You can't have the same as I do. Pick another one for you."

"That's not how it works Tae!" Soobin whined, as they stepped into the place and ordered their food. He decided not to pay this time but he knew that the food he had ordered was something that Soobin would end up stealing from him. They are in silence for a while, which was a gift for Taehyun. The comfortable quiet they usually settled was something that brought an enormous amount of comfort to their routine, he welcomed it. Being with someone where the silence didn't feel heavy was something to cheer on. 

It didn't last long, as they noticed Beomgyu approach them and immediately occupy the spot in front of Soobin. The older shifted nervously, ever since they got caught in the dorm - and numerous other incidents - he's been wary of his friend. It was amusing, to say the least. "Tyun, did you see!" 

"See what? I've been working." He stated, still eating carefully. Beomgyu unlocked his phone quickly, typing something fast before displaying the screen right in front of his eyes. "If you don't stop shaking it, I can't read."

"My mom sent me this." 

Taehyun grabbed the phone, carefully looking at it before letting the information sink in. His mood swift must've been obvious because Soobin immediately murmured  _ what's wrong? _

But there on the screen, there was a picture of his dad, a text, and a Facebook status update: Married. "My dad got married? Without telling me?"

Beomgyu nodded. "I knew you didn't know. That's crazy, what's this, the 3rd girlfriend in a month?" 

Taehyun shook his head. "He's so full of shit. And he dares to call me and wonder why I don't tell him stuff."

"I'm sorry Tyun. Didn't want to break the news but I thought you should know." Beomgyu added, a soft look in his eyes. 

He felt Soobin lay a hand in his tight by his side, a comfortable gesture warning him up. "My mom is going to call me and yell at me for not telling her, how much do you want to bet?" 

Beomgyu laughed sarcastically. "I'm surprised she didn't yet." 

Soon after a little catch-up, Beomgyu left. He was still appalled by the news but the initial shock had left his body and he was filled with regrets and angriness. The only thing grounding him at that moment was Soobin by his side. "Do you want to talk about it?" 

Taehyun laughed. "Can we go someplace else?"

  
  
  
  


"This is nice. I love the gardens." Taehyun replied when they walked a little bit further behind the gardens on the math building. It was a great place to hang out after class and especially when the weather was slightly warmer. 

"I know you do. I thought maybe this would make you feel better." Soobin added. He felt so happy at the idea that he tiptoed to give Soobin a nose kiss - something they've been doing for a while now. The boy just smiled. "So, are you okay? I know you have a rocky relationship with your parents."

"Rocky seems like an oversimplification." He said, sitting down and sprawling himself in the green grass. "Tell me in what world it makes sense that I got to find that my dad got remarried through  _ Facebook _ ?"

Soobin sat by his side, picking some grass, thinking of the right words to say - as he commonly did. "Modern times call for modern solutions." That at least erupted a laugh out of him. "See, I made you laugh!" 

"My boyfriend, a comedian." Taehyun jokes, sitting down and facing Soobin. "I don't know what I should do."

"Are you going to call him?"

"No… I don't want to. That would be giving him the attention."

"Then don't do anything. I know this sounds stupid but you don't need him, it's not like he cares is it?" 

Taehyun agreed. He had opened up to Soobin and his difficulty in connecting with his parents, constantly feeling like a burden to them, a mistake. Soobin had listened to everything, comforted him with his touches and kisses, and made sure to imply that he was loved by so many people. But Taehyun still had many doubts and insecurities, things he barely shared with people and just made sense sharing with this boy. "I just… I always wanted a family you know? I see how close Kai is to his and Beomgyu to his mother and… I always wanted that. It's not like my parents didn't provide, they just… never did what I wanted. Is that asking too much?"

"You just wanted love Taehyun, and that's not something you should have to ask," Soobin said. 

"I know… I'm sorry, I don't want to dump this all on you."

Soobin laughed sweetly. "You can tell me everything you want. I tell you everything, sometimes even too much."

"You don't, I think it's nice."

"Then it's the same feeling for me," Soobin said. "I think it's delightful that you trust me." 

Taehyun scooted closer, in their weird sitting position managing to drop his arms around Soobin and hugging him, kissing his temple before burying his face in his shoulders and muttering  _ thank you _ . "You don't have to thank me." Soobin hugged back, pulling him away slightly to kiss him tenderly, just a slight touch of lips. They stayed like that in each other's arms a little bit before Taehyun separated and sat closely next to the other boy, laying his head on Soobin's broad shoulders. "I have a question though." Taehyun nodded, urging the other to go on. "You said you wanted a family, does that mean you have plans for that?" 

Taehyun giggled. "Aren't we a little too young to be thinking about that?"

Soobin immediately blushed, his words slurred by nervousness. "I didn't mean it like that! I was just curious-I!"

"I'm kidding!" Taehyun laughed, nudging the other playfully. "I mean sure, maybe further down the line."

"Cute. Maybe you are a softie after all." Soobin teased. 

"Ah stop it," Taehyun replied, feeling his cheeks heat up. Soobin simply giggled, continuing teasing him towards the afternoon, up until the sun settled and they rushed back to the dorms.

☆☆☆

"That was awesome! We should always go to the last screenings." Taehyun muffled in bed, listening to Beomgyu's voice who seemed to come from far away pierce through his ears. He paid not much attention to the sounds, instead of trying to turn around in bed and noticing an impediment to his action. An arm was laced around his middle, pulling him closer and snoring softly. He opened his eyes, a sleepy Soobin cuddled next to him. "Did we interrupt something?" Kai whispered, trying to contain his giggles.

_ Poor Soobin,  _ he thought. Forever destined to make fun of by his friends. "We fell asleep, that's all."

They had gone to have dinner, Soobin's attempt at a date before they realized he forgot to make a reservation. When they arrived at the spot, everything was full for the night. Before the taller one could feel guilt in it, Taehyun turned it around, suggesting pizza and a movie in the dorm, knowing Beomgyu and Kai had gone out to watch a new superhero movie. 

"I sure hope so!" Beomgyu said.

"Let me wake him up? Please?" 

The others smiled, going outside with the excuses of hitting the bathrooms quickly then. He turned around to his boyfriend again, giving him a soft kiss just under his jawline, trying not to overwhelm him. "Soobinie…" The boy shifted in his spot, the grip on his waist tightening as he fell into slumber once again. "We fell asleep baby."

Soobin mumbled something. "Then let's just sleep. This is warm."

Taehyun giggled, trying once again to place soft kisses on Soobin's cheeks and jaw. "I have two roommates outside who are not very happy about the agreement."

" _ Ugh _ ," the boy protested. "We could've cuddled all night."

"When I get my apartment I promise you will, okay?" 

"Oh yeah?" Soobin, more awake now, smirked. "Already making plans with me now?"

Taehyun nudged him, trying to let go of the strong arms holding him in the spot. Their bodies were pressed together, a blanket on top of them and the movie long forgotten on the ground. "This is no time to have a big relationship talk."

Soobin giggled, sitting up and fixing his hair, eyes drowsy with sleep. "You keep making plans for your future that involve me."

"Is that...bad?" 

"No, I like that," Soobin said, pushing him for a kiss before sitting down completely. And maybe he had, without realizing it, managed to include Soobin in his plans. The apartments he was looking for with Kai and Beomgyu, making sure it was close to the dorms so he could still see the boy at all times; The wardrobe he wanted to purchase, making sure it had an extra drawer for Soobin's things; Plans to include the boy during the summer, things they could still do after University ended even if they lived a good 2 hours away from each other. 

Not even big changes in the future, but subtle changes in his everyday routine: the coffee he got every day: one black for him, a cappuccino with lots of milk for Soobin, bringing it either for their morning library shifts or picking the boy up to walk to classes; always bringing an extra scarf in the windy mornings because he knew Soobin got cold very easily; reading books and watching shows the other was watching just to be involved in the conversations Soobin was so enthusiastic about. 

Everything was changing in his life, and although it brought him an extreme sense of anticipation, it was also exhilarating having this warm presence engraved in his life. For years Taehyun had been looking for a home, a family. Instead, he found everything he was searching for in Soobin. 

"I don't see the future without you, so I might as well do something about it."

Soobin giggled. "You're right, it's too late to have this conversation. I should get going, let your roommates sleep." 

"Do you want me to walk you home?"

"No, I will be okay. I'll text you the whole time." Soobin said at the door, leaning down to cup Taehyun's cheeks and kiss him tenderly, sweet, just enough. Taehyun wasn't ready to let go so fast, pulling the other closer by his waist, continuing the kiss, savoring every moment and his newfound realization on how much he let the other connect in his world. And how much he treasured that. 

"See you tomorrow Tae."

He smiled. "See you tomorrow Soobin."

_ I love you.  _ The words were left unspoken in the air, just three simple words...

☆☆☆

A late-night a little further down the line, right before the end of the year exams, Taehyun found himself back in the bar with Soobin and his friends. Kai and Yeonjun, despite the whole time they spent together alone, didn't seem to realize that they were in the presence of other patrons, because they couldn't quite literally keep their hands for themselves.

"Some of us are single," Beomgyu stated by taking a sip of his  _ eureka! _ drink.

"Dude you say that every time but I have offered plenty of times to find you a good match," Yeonjun replied, dropping his arm effortlessly around Kai who just snuggled close.

Beomgyy gestured with his hands, not satisfied with the confrontation "I've renounced myself from boys." 

"What about the girl from your Medieval History class?" Taehyun asked. "The redhead you thought was cute."

Kai sounded interested in the conversation now. " _ Uhh _ , what girl? I didn't hear this before." Soobin, who was lazily playing with Taehyun's fingers under the table smiled cutely, his embarrassment towards his friends still noticeable, always leaning towards the boy. 

"I liked her hair color that was it!"

"You said you liked her style and how she changed it every day." Taehyun teased.

"I am interested in fashion."

"Wait!" Soobin suddenly interrupted, smiling cheekily. He couldn't stop thinking about how the other looked so pretty that night. "Isn't that Seo Jiwon? She's from my year, she's very nice."

Beomgyu blushed. "No…"

Yeonjun seemed to be jumping in his spot, excited with the topic. "He should set you guys up!" 

"No!" 

"I could, she's so sweet I bet she would say yes," Soobin added. "And you're handsome, I don't see why she would say no."

All eyes on the table were now fixated on the tallboy, smiles and laugh enlaced with the boldness of the other. Taehyun decided it was a good time to tease his boyfriend. "I'm sorry I didn't know you were  _ simping  _ over my friends."

The panic was obvious in his face by the time he finished talking. "That's now what I meant! Oh my God, I was just…"

All of them erupted into laughter, Yeonjun especially enjoying the way his friend got tongue-tied. Taehyun simply found it endearing. "I'm joking with you,  _ idiot _ ." The last words laced with endearment. 

"I appreciate the compliment," Beomgyu said. "And… I'll think about it."

"I think...This deserves another round of drinks on me!" Yeonjun exclaimed, getting up and dragging Kai with him to help.

Beomgyu decided to tag along to pick something for himself, as he didn't enjoy his previous one. The booth was now occupied only by them, the taller boy trying to make himself smaller by snuffling the closest he could to Taehyun. "I'm an idiot?"

"My idiot." He simply answered by kissing his boyfriend's forehead. "It was very nice of you to offer to set them up, I love seeing you getting along with my friends. My little  _ family _ all together."

Soobin looked up from where he laid his head on his shoulder. He looked a little drowsy, Taehyun knowing he was a lightweight blaming a bit on the alcohol effect kicking in. "You deserve it."

Taehyun didn't fight the urge to cup his cheeks and kiss him gently on the lips. "Should we solve the riddle to wake you up?"

"I'm okay! Jeez, I was just getting lost in your eyes…" Soobin teased, sticking his tongue out before sitting straight again. "Okay, bring it on. This time I will solve it faster than you."

"If you do I'll give you a kiss."

"Oh, that's exactly the motivation I needed!" The riddle on the board this time was one Taehyun had already solved back when they stepped in, an hour ago. But his boyfriend looked so cute, sticking the tongue out in concentration that he pretended, just for the sake of it. 

Besides he had no problems giving the other the satisfaction. 

The riddle started like that:  _ "What are three different numbers whose sum and product are equal?"  _

"Do you need help?" He asked Soobin, who was scribbling in his napkin. 

He growled. "This is embarrassing."

"Nonsense, let me translate that into something else." He tenderly added, writing down  _ A + B + C = D & A x B x C = D.  _ "It's always easy when we translate."

"Now give me a second to figure out the numbers, I can do it!" 

Taehyun giggled, cupping his cheek and kissing it. "I know you can baby."

"What are you gays up to?" Yeonjun asked, sitting down and handling their new drinks. "Why is Soobin so focused?

"He's trying to solve the riddle." He simply said, all of them not interested in it as Yeonjun mumbled  _ he had already solved it _ . 

"Stem majors you're all so annoying!" Kai offered and a discussion immediately flared up at the table, something to be expected when you combined so many people from different areas with clearly too much time to kill. Before the discussion came to an end - and before Yeonjun and Kai started a fight on arts vs. stem - Soobin lighted up from his spot, waving the paper frantically in front of him. "I got it! 1, 2, and 3!" 

Taehyun laughed, his teeth full-on display, finding his boyfriend so irresistible at the moment with his determination to get the right answer. He pulled him for a kiss, everyone at the table pretending to puke at the gesture. He couldn't care less. "Look at you my little genius." 

"I didn't solve it before you though." 

"That's asking too much from anyone ever, Taehyun is a literal calculator," Kai answered. "It used to be like this  _ thing  _ about him in high school that he could solve every calculation in seconds " 

Soobin raised his eyebrows. "You never told me this." 

"It's dumb." He sent a look to Kai who shrugged unapologetically. 

"Maybe you're my tiny genius," Soobin whispered in his ears, both of them erupting into a fit of giggles that only annoyed the group even more.

  
  
  
  


The night shined brightly as they stepped outside after enough time spent in the establishment. Beomgyu immediately commented that he missed seeing the stars back in their hometown, the other boys agreeing nostalgically. 

"We used to sneak out at night to watch the stars and go to the lake almost every day during summer." Kai reminisced, locking fingers with Yeonjun. "You should come to visit me during the summer, it's very nice out there." Yeonjun smiled, bringing the boy closer and walking ahead into the direction of their dorms. "Soobin you should come too."

"I don't see my mom enjoying having people inside her house." Taehyun snickered. 

"That's okay, he can stay at mine!" Kai responded enthusiastically, continuing to recall their adventures in their small towns to the other boys. 

Soobin had other plans, as he let the others take the lead and stayed behind with Taehyun, arms around his waist. The dim street lights illuminated his face so beautifully that Taehyun couldn't go but get distracted at his looks. 

Sometimes he wondered why he got so lucky, so deserving. But the longest he stayed with Soobin, the less he started to wonder about these issues and began feeling them. "Have you ever heard about anti-matter and antiparticles?" He asked suddenly. Soobin just shook his head, answering right away. "Is it a physics thing that I don't understand?"

Taehyun giggled. He was so  _ cute.  _ "I don't think even physics understand it but yeah, basically as the name says it's the opposite of matter as we know it. Did you have physics when you were in high school?" Soobin nodded, completely absorbed in the conversation as he does every time Taehyun tells him about his physics topics. "Okay, so you know the matter is made up of atoms and atoms have protons, neutrons, and electrons."

"I know that…" He said proudly. "Electrons are negative and protons are positive." 

Taehyun smiled proudly. "That helps with the explanation. So basically yeah, antimatter is constituted by antiparticles where the antielectrons - or positrons - are the positive charge and antiprotons are the negative charge."

"That's interesting." 

He laughed again. "I know you might be wondering where I'm going with this right?" The other nodded. "The thing is that particle-antiparticle pairs can annihilate each other. It is not possible to create an antiparticle without either destroying another particle of the same charge." 

"That does make sense, it's like opposites."

"When I first realized how different we were, I wondered if you were my antiparticle." He finally got to the point he's been trying to vocalize this whole time. "And it scared me. Because there's something about the fact that we could destroy each other that I was afraid to pursue."

Soobin slowed his pace, trying not to let the others probably listen to the conversation. "I hope there's a but in there."

Taehyun laughed sweetly. "But, more than ever I realize we aren't antiparticles of each other. Maybe it's okay that we are so different and maybe this is why I have hopes of this leading somewhere because we challenge each other to try new things and behave differently from our status quo and perhaps that's what matters the most."

Even in the dim lights of the night, he could see Soobin blushing, a sight he expected to be able to witness for a longer time. "You're so sweet Kang Taehyun. It's like you always have the right thing to say."

"I mean I do think about these things a lot."

"Can I say something too?" Soobin stopped them, now facing Taehyun while still resting his hands on his waist. "Maybe it's time you get out of your head a little bit okay?" He said, resting their foreheads together. "I've told you before that I don't want a fairytale. And no matter how different we are, I think it's nice that those things bond us more than they tear us apart."

"I hope so." Taehyun laughed. 

"Yeah, maybe you're not the guy of my dreams…."

" _ Ouch _ !" 

"And maybe I'm not yours." He smiled. "But that is okay. We didn't need those. We just need each other."

He didn't answer, just leaped forward to kiss Soobin, holding him by his neck and making sure the other could feel all the emotions conveyed into the gesture. They didn't let it evolve further - the others waiting for them, and both of them were still shy about the prolonged displays of affection in public, but it was enough to seal an unopened box in Taehyun's mind labeled  _ love _ . 

A chapter of fears and wonders about the topic finally closed for him, at least for now. There was no longer an irrational fear of the definition of love, no longer a deeper need to understand what it represented. How he acknowledged what Beomgyu tried to tell him, years ago. 

_ Some things were meant not to be understood. _

Love was not meant to be understood, it was meant to be felt. And all the doubts he had on how to love and how he could love better were a journey that he was ready to jump on with this boy holding him close. 

_ I love you _ . He reflected. There was no need to declare something both of them already felt, in the ways they held each other, in the small ways they cared. 

_ I love you _ . He thought. It was enough for now, to just experience it.

☆☆☆

The weather warmed up.  _ Finally _ , he thought for the first time in so long, he hoped for the summer to approach them quickly. Exams were something he had been worrying about for the week but they turned out better than expected. Soobin, funnily, was great under stress, and so he helped and gave great advice to deal with it. 

As usual, Soobin was an excellent help with everything. Right before his last exam, Soobin showed up from nowhere and gave him a good luck kiss, right in front of his classmates. Public displays of affection were something they have been working with, after the initial stage of getting accustomed to each other in the relationship. Holding hands was usually the norm, and these days more than ever he was getting used to linking his arm with Soobin. The height difference and the closeness doing constant loops to his heart. 

Kissing was another level they've been testing, and that one before his algebra exam was just what he needed. Needless to say, the exam went perfectly, he was sure he had aced it. As usual, he could hear Beomgyu whisper in his head that he was being cocky but how could he be something when he was sure he did well. 

With the end of exams came a time he deeply dreaded: going back home. For the first time in a long time, he felt a sort of liberty he wasn't used to having in the walls of his house, even if he didn't spend much time there as it was. Living on his own, working, earning his own money was something he appreciated deeply and that's why they had a conversation a few days ago that solidified the reason why coming home wouldn't be that bad.

" _So we are doing this right?_ " Beomgyu asked. " _Because_ _the only reason I stayed in these stinky dorms was that I was waiting for you to come so we could move on_."

They grinned, they had a feeling that's what the boy wanted. " _ Did you call the place?" _

Kai nodded. " _ It's all set up for the end of July, which is when the old residents move out." _

" _ I've never felt so grown up in my life. _ " And that he meant it, it was a big step in their lives but he was deeply grateful they were taking it together. 

He hadn't warned his parents but he had a gut feeling they wouldn't care much. "Earth to my boyfriend?" interrupting his thoughts, Soobin approached him with a big smile on his face. 

He had to kiss it. "Hey, Binnie." 

Soobin's smile was like a beam of sunshine, always so warm. "How did it go?"

"Perfect, I'm going to ace it."

"My genius boyfriend!" He tucked Taehyun's hair behind his ears, letting his hands rest in his shoulders, a soothing touch. "Do you have everything packed?"

A nod. "Yes, I already did yesterday. What about you?" Soobin twisted his face as an answer. "So not even halfway past it looks like it."

"I was hoping you'd help me."

Taehyun laughed satisfied. "What am I? Your maid or your boyfriend." 

They held hands as they walked towards Soobin's larger dorms. He knew he and Yeonjun also had plans to move out before the next year began, things getting slightly more complicated since both had more definitive plans than the small apartment the other three were renting. "Did you sign the deal already?" Soobin introduced the conversation topic. 

He nodded. "Yes, we have. But we can only move in 3 weeks or something, so I have to find a way to tolerate my mom for that time."

"You're more than welcome to stay with me," Soobin replied nervously, he could feel his blush without having to look at the boy. 

"You're so cute, but it's okay. I'll deal with it and we'll see each other right?"

"Right…" Soobin started, stopping abruptly right by the door of the dorm. "I have an idea!" He raised his eyebrows, not understanding the enthusiasm behind it. "Do you know the train station in the city?!"

"Of course… What are you-"

"Let's go on it. Final station, I heard there is a nice site and a small beach village or whatever!" 

"That's a 2 hour trip from here." 

"So?" Soobin said, his whole body shaking with enthusiasm, beaming so widely he could put the sun to shame. "We'll spend the day together, come back in the last train or something and then we can come back to my dorm, fall asleep cuddling, and then you can come back home the next day."

The pout the boy was giving him and the energy he was exhibiting was so adorable he could barely resist. And the offer was very tempting. "We have no plans, no tickets, nothing… what will we even eat or what if we get lost…"

Soobin grabbed him by the arms gently. "Get out that head of yours Taehyun okay?" He smiled. "Look at me. Do you want to do this?"

"Yeonjun won't probably enjoy me staying the night…"

"He won't be home, he's going home today!" Soobin was still smiling, his eyes shining with the possibility.  _ God… I am so in love with you.  _ "Do you want to do this?"

He bit his lip before answering. "Yes."

Soobin didn't waste the opportunity to grab the other boy in a hug and spin him around, a reminder of how much stronger he was. He felt weirdly secured in his arms, content with the reaction the other was giving but also thinking that he wasn't going to say no, could never do it with the other boy. "I'm so excited!" 

Taehyun giggled when he stopped spinning him around, hands-on Soobin's cheeks and he kissed him deeply, not caring about the people passing by what they thought, focused solely on Soobin's lips and the feeling of floating he had every time they kissed. 

There wasn't much to think about when he was with this boy, no engines roaring in his brain, a deep sense of comfort in his bones. It was like returning home, in ways he never knew it felt like. Needless to say, aside from that, there were still three words lingering at the tip of his tongue, accentuated by the moment even more. Three words he was sure he was ready to relieve. 

"I love you." 

Soobin widened his eyes, a shy smile threatening to take over. "We haven't said that yet."

"I'm saying it now. Is it bad timing?" 

"I love you too," Soobin replied, kissing him once again and smiling into the kiss, making it messier but carrying a different type of emotion he was so ready to cave for. "God I really love you."

Taehyun couldn't help the huge grin on his face. "Let's go now?" 

"Okay, pick your bags and put them in my dorm. Then we will walk to the station, just follow me. I know the route."

This time he didn't limit his thoughts. "I would follow you anywhere." 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> ask me q& on [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/minis0de_)


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